"I think that people are afraid of babies being "demanding, manipulative,
stubborn" because those were the names they were called as babies and young
children when they tried to get their needs met. We have so many people who
are adults today who were raised with very little affection. They didn't get
held, or fed every time they wanted to, and I think they remember (in an
unconscious way) how they longed for that. They feel that if they start
"giving in" to a baby, then they won't have enough to give - the baby's
needs will overwhelm them. But in reality, it's their own (still present but
unmet) needs that feel overwhelming.

I know, it sounds like psychobabble. But I think it's true."

Teresa Pitman
Guelph Ontario

Dear Teresa,

It's not psychobabble-your're exactly on target, in my opinion,  and what
you're saying is precisely what I often convey to mothers, both in my private
practice and support group.  What I say to them is which would they rather
have-an infant whose needs are met and who turns out to be an empathic
child/adult, or one who "conforms" and doesn't have his needs met in infancy
and is the whiny deprssed child/adult who spends his life trying to get those
early needs met.  It's the same with not nursing for comfort and saying,
"he's just using me as a pacifier," to which I reply, how wonderful that your
baby sees you as a source of comfort and learns that people, not things,
provide solace.  So many moms (and Dads) never think ahead to what positive
effects early "attachment" parenting can have and are amazed when discussions
of long term effects demonstrate all the positives of a bit of sacrafice on
their parts.  Hope this makes sense-I feel so passionately about early
parenting, having been influenced by Elliot Barker's work, among others who
know what behavior adults exhibit who never were allowed to form close
attachments.

In short, (though my ramblings are long) I agree with you 150%!!

Barbara Latterner, BSN, RN, IBCLC
Brewster, NY

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