Ouch!
How about this as an approach:
First validate the feelings:  "I'm so sorry you were disappointed with
your care..."
Next, try to reframe some of the failure this poor couple is feeling:
"It's obvious that you love your son very much and are doing the very
best you can for him.  It's very hard to fingerfeed for weeks, while
still finding time to pump, and it can be so frustrating to have a baby
who can't latch on.  You worked very hard for 2 weeks, at a time when
your body was adjusting to great changes and you were so tired.  People
only have a finite amount of time, energy and persistence.  When you run
out of resources, you can't do any more.  Please be kind to yourself and
recognize the incomparable start you gave your son."
Third, try to address some of the misinformation:  "While a recessed jaw
can make breastfeeding more difficult, it is usually possible for the
baby to latch with special techniques such as tipping the head back
slightly and starting with the baby's lower lip a half inch away from
the nipple to increase tongue contact with the breast." (or whatever
your colleague really recommended they do).  "Lactation consultants try
to encourage parents to keep trying as long as they have the resources
to do so, because we have found that many babies do learn to latch with
time."
Last, try to readjust the expectations of what a lactation consultant
should be able to diagnose, after all, the family physician did not pick
up the subperiostial hematoma either.  What kind of testing was done to
confirm that diagnosis?  Or was it a presumptive diagnosis?
        It sounds like this couple is subconsciously looking for a scapegoat
for what they percieve as a great failure.  They might have refused
followup appointments, misunderstood the care plan, and failed to pump
frequently enough.  They obviously never understood that one can provide
breastmilk even if the baby is unable to breastfeed.  Reducing their
feelings of failure by reframing and showing empathy might allow them to
resolve them and see more of reality.  Then they can decide what to do
with this and future babies.
--
Catherine Watson Genna, IBCLC  New York City  mailto:[log in to unmask]

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