Sorry for sending this twice, but I just sent the following post to this
list with a confusing subject line. I should have kept the above subject
line, to stay in the same thread. 

And thanks Liz, for your clarification, on both lists.
I get it, what you were doing. Great!
I often wonder if the babies are not so much "mad at" the breast, as they
are frustrated by their own disorganization when "at" the breast, caused by
the conflict between actually wanting to breastfeed, that innate desire and
drive, but finding it difficult to follow thru on those instincts because of
being totally disorganized by the negative associations of being there (from
prior shoving etc).  Mom also usually looks pretty upset, but it's not
because she doesn't want to breastfeed, but because she desperately wants
to, and is so frustrated and upset by her experience. I think baby is the
same way. In any event, it seems to help to interpret it this way to the
mother, that the baby isn't angry at her or her breast, but is frustrated,
just like she is, because he wants to do it, but his frustration is getting
in his way. Vicious cycle.

We address this in our office by taking time "off" from "trying" to
breastfeed, mom continues to express and feed by her alternative method of
choice, then letting baby do skin on skin AFTER most/all feeds, when baby is
totally milk drunk, to reestablish that trust, no shoving, not trying, just
cozy and happy and asleep skin against skin, and also--NO skin on skin when
awake enough for baby to experience that inner conflict. Not trying to get
baby to latch, so only skin on skin sound asleep. Then, after a day or two,
or at most usually not more than a week or so, depending on how long the
distressing and frustrating attempts had been going on, you then wait for
those magic moments when baby seems "more grown up than usual" ie. by eye
contact and interaction with mom, and when mom "impulsively" feels like it
might work, they can "play around" with breastfeeding. If it's impulsive on
mom's part, by invitation from the baby, something in the baby's behavior
made her think it might work, it usually does. Often occurs partway, or most
of the way, thru an alternative feed, when baby is socializing with mom,
making eye contact, has hunger partially met, so not so crazy as to get
disorganized. But then, once following baby's lead, the emphasis has to be
on "playing" with breastfeeding, not "working" at it or "trying," so that we
keep the mood that works, or else stop when the mood changes and wait for
another time. Usually if they've had a few days to "reboot" they forget
those negative associations and can follow their instincts no problem. But
mom has to be willing to only do this by invitation, keep it fun, and keep
the breast a happy place to be. Then it happens. On baby time.
Tina Smillie

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