Dear Jay,

I may be way out of bounds, but it seems to me, that if a baby isn't
progressing with developmental stages of social development (like learning to
sleep longer at night), and physical causes are ruled out, it suggests to me
that there may be something askew in the mother-baby relationship/attachment.

Are these moms working?  Gone alot from babies during the day?  Resentful of
their need for attention?  Distracted by other children/problems?

I think there is something to helping moms to understand that a baby is making
a *demand* because he has an unmet *need*, and until that need is met, he may
not be able to progress...this is an unwelcome and difficult answer to their
problem, I know.

How do you save breastfeeding for them, and for the next baby?  Somehow, I
think these moms have to be able/willing to understand more about their
babies' real needs, and how difficult it can be for them, in their situations
as single moms, to be able to meet them.  We don't expect them to be perfect
moms, but they will need to recognize that their situations bring these extra
problems and stresses that a more supported mom may not have.  Sometimes
understanding brings sympathy for the baby.  Sometimes moms are so stressed
themselves they are beyond sympathy for the baby for lack of sympathy for
themselves.  I don't think there is an easy answer to what you can do beyond
education, helping them find resources so that they can give more of
themselves to their babies and meet those unmet needs, and an open ear for
listening.  If the solution to their stresses in their less-than-ideal
situation is to not breastfeed the next, they still need the education about
needs for that baby, too.  In fact, maybe they "need" to know that that next
baby may be just as needy at night and during the day, even though formula may
have a more soporific effect, and unmet needs *will* manifest themselves
somehow, day or night.

I wish you luck in helping these moms; my heart goes out to them and you,
listening to their very difficult to hear tales...

WarmLLLy, Ann Davis, LLLL
[log in to unmask]