This is getting a little off topic but I was raised in 26 foster homes starting 
as a baby as were my brothers.  I don't remember being hugged or loved until I 
got to one when I was 13. I stayed there for 5 years and she saved my life. Some 
of the memories that stand out for me the most were:
1. when there was a freezing spell I got to come out of my unheated upstairs 
bedroom and sleep downstairs with my foster mom. We laid in bed and laughed and 
told stories. 

2. when I was quite sick with the flu she had me sleep with her so she could 
keep an eye on me and she wrapped her arms around me when I had the chills. I 
can still smell her skin. And I believe babies remember smell for a long time 
and it's important. 

3. when I started my first period I hemorrhaged and she had me sleep with her, 
again so she could keep an eye on me. 

4. we watched tv on the couch eating popcorn with her arm around me. 
5. she helped me shop for my first bra.

It was the intimate things that made me feel like I belonged to the family. Once 
when my brother was 9 years old he had a bad day and was crying and she held the 
big hulking boy on her lap and let him cry. We did a lot of catching up with 
that wonderful woman and just the first year or two of babying we got there 
really turned us around. We stayed "her kids" until she died when i was 50. She 
taught me to appreciate classical and all other music, use the library, had me 
reading about 20 novels a year, taught me to cook and bake, and I had 4 years of 
perfect attendance in high school. Most foster parents are loving people. I can 
see though, why there is a shortage of foster parents if they are forced to be 
inhumane to these kids who have already been rejected once by their own parents. 
I can only imagine what it must be like to a baby to not get this necessary care 
but I was amazed to see how much can be made up for later with the right 
combination of foster parents/kids. We were abused by other foster fathers/ 
slapped around by foster mothers who signed all the right papers and "followed 
the rules". One even got the "foster mother of the year award" who force fed a 
one year til he choked and cried and she slapped him every day. I never knew 
they were told they couldn't hug, have skin on skin contact, etc. Maybe it 
helped that there were no other kids in the household to tell the caseworker 
what all "crimes of affection" went on:)

Vicky York, IBCLC, CPD
Portland, Or



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