> The overwhelming cause of fatigue and
>stress was visitors, both their own and those of their roommates.

I give tours of our maternity unit as part of my childbirth
classes. One of the things I always mention is about visitors.
I tell couples that once the word gets out that the baby has
been born, it is sometimes difficult to control who and how
many people come to visit. I let them know that it is ok for
Dad to ask people to leave, or not to come. I also let them
know that since it is their friends and family that is not
always so easy. If they don't feel comfortable asking people
to leave, they can have the nurses do it. Nurses are very
well trained at being gentle but firm, and their job is
to make sure the mother and baby are well cared for and safe.
Sometimes (maybe even often) that means that part of their
job is crowd control in post partum. (I did this only after
checking with the post partum nurses who said that is in
fact part of what they do.)

I also emphasize throughout the second part of my series that
new mothers should be cared for by friends and family. It is not
the job of new parents to entertain guests at home or in the hospital.
New parents should make a list of things that would be helpful and
put it by their phone so that when friends call and say "what can
I do to help?" there will be some tasks.

The best thing friends can do is make a casserole, rice, salad
bring it to the house, ring the door bell and LEAVE!!!
A 30 second look at the baby is allowed, no more!

Naomi Bar-Yam

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