Cathy said:

I always think of it this way: What would *I* do, if I were in that other
woman's country, and I was told by doctors or nurses or anyone else to do
something I "knew" was not right? Especially if my mother and my aunts and
my grandmothers and everyone else had always shown me otherwise?

Having lived in many different towns in the US and Puerto Rico, I can say
without a doubt - I don't know....

Each time I visit a new mom in her home, I realize how difficult it must be
for her, starting a new role (most of the moms I see are first-time moms),
getting NO sleep, being sore in various places (episiotomy, c/s incision,
nipples), and trying to deal with the "ghost in the nursery" of all the
stories she has heard in her lifetime.  

When I arrive and there are family members there, I try to include them as
much as possible.  Yesterday we were dealing with LOTS of stories from
grandma (Mexico), including dietary restrictions, time limits on
breastfeeding and the "don't breastfeed when you're upset" warnings she was
giving.  Luckily I'm grandma's age now, as was the Public Health Nurse who
was with me.  We were able to discuss all the stories WE had heard, and she
seemed to be willing to go along with the idea that maybe things are
different (it helped when I asked her to look at the baby's tongue and SHE
recognized the "algodoncillo" (thrush) and told us what THEY use (violeta
genciana) in her country.  

It's a fine line we walk...we can't destroy all their beliefs, and need to
pick the ones that are potentially most damaging (in this case it was the
"don't breastfeed when you're upset" as mom and dad are having troubles and
this would prevent breastfeeding MOST of the time... ).  

I'm so glad Linda Smith recently, in the IBCLC2B group mentioned NOT
answering the question "what would you do if you were me?"...  We need to
keep in mind we are NEVER them...  We have no idea what their life is like
2 minutes after we walk out their door, or what they have been through in
their lifetime.  We can only give information and support.  They have to
make decisions for themselves.  And those decisions, whether we agree with
them or not, are the right ones for them at that time.


Jeanette Panchula, BSW, RN, IBCLC
Vacaville, CA

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