Cathy said: I always think of it this way: What would *I* do, if I were in that other woman's country, and I was told by doctors or nurses or anyone else to do something I "knew" was not right? Especially if my mother and my aunts and my grandmothers and everyone else had always shown me otherwise? Having lived in many different towns in the US and Puerto Rico, I can say without a doubt - I don't know.... Each time I visit a new mom in her home, I realize how difficult it must be for her, starting a new role (most of the moms I see are first-time moms), getting NO sleep, being sore in various places (episiotomy, c/s incision, nipples), and trying to deal with the "ghost in the nursery" of all the stories she has heard in her lifetime. When I arrive and there are family members there, I try to include them as much as possible. Yesterday we were dealing with LOTS of stories from grandma (Mexico), including dietary restrictions, time limits on breastfeeding and the "don't breastfeed when you're upset" warnings she was giving. Luckily I'm grandma's age now, as was the Public Health Nurse who was with me. We were able to discuss all the stories WE had heard, and she seemed to be willing to go along with the idea that maybe things are different (it helped when I asked her to look at the baby's tongue and SHE recognized the "algodoncillo" (thrush) and told us what THEY use (violeta genciana) in her country. It's a fine line we walk...we can't destroy all their beliefs, and need to pick the ones that are potentially most damaging (in this case it was the "don't breastfeed when you're upset" as mom and dad are having troubles and this would prevent breastfeeding MOST of the time... ). I'm so glad Linda Smith recently, in the IBCLC2B group mentioned NOT answering the question "what would you do if you were me?"... We need to keep in mind we are NEVER them... We have no idea what their life is like 2 minutes after we walk out their door, or what they have been through in their lifetime. We can only give information and support. They have to make decisions for themselves. And those decisions, whether we agree with them or not, are the right ones for them at that time. Jeanette Panchula, BSW, RN, IBCLC Vacaville, CA *********************************************** The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM) mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to: http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html