Jennifer,
I also have a almost 4 year old (5 in end of Sept), and we are in the last
stages of nursing.  My first only nursed til almost 2 years, so this stage
is new to me.

I find myself very ambivalent to nursing - intellectually I know she still
wants and needs it, but being a product of our culture, part of me wishes
she would just cuddle.

One good resource for you may be the Parent-L list
http://listserv.uts.edu.au/mailman/listinfo/parent-l.  This is exactly the
kind of topic that we support there.

One thing that I have heard about this stage is that sometimes the child IS
testing the mom for leadership in weaning.  I struggle everyday to be
consistent in my words and actions, and to honor my own boundaries.  I came
from the typical punitive "parent as unquestioned ruler" type family, and
instead, I have chose to breastfeed "on demand" and practicing attachment
parenting.  In attempting to be so thoughtful of my child's feelings, I
still am sacrificing past MY boundaries, and at this stage, am resenting it.
So when pushed this far, then I lash out.  (maybe this IS normal - I am
seeing my mother cat doing this to her kittens that are almost as big as
her, and still trying to nurse).

Anyhow, I think this is a normal part of breastfeeding & APing a
preschooler.  IME, this issue commonly comes up with AP moms.  I read an
essay about this, but I can't find it right now.  IMO, the age 4 is the most
difficult (so far) - half baby, half child, and you never know which you are
dealing with at any moment!

I hestitate to tell you what to do, since I am in the same situation, but I
do sympathize!  But I do think inaccessible clothes might help.  At one
point I decided I didn't want to nurse in public anymore.  I didn't know if
DD would accept this, but at a large family gathering, I wore an inaccesible
dress, and when she asked to nurse, I just told her I couldn't, and she was
satisfied with that, much to my surprise!

So I think perhaps some very clear rules around nursing, with consistent
enforcement would help - (geez I have  few things I need to apply that to,
too!)

Warmly,
Janice Reynolds
(I have no thoughts on the hand-washing, though).






> I'd appreciate some input about my own nursing situation:
>
> My youngest is 4 (5 in November). She stopped nursing with any regularity
about a year ago, but she still occasionally snuggles up and latches on for
a few minutes for the comfort.

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