Gonneke writes: "I dare to disagree with some posters. My primary goal  is 
not to help mom achieve her goals, but to help the infant/child help achieve  
her/his goals. I am a baby's advocate, not a woman's advocate. I write and speak 
 on behalf of the children, to obtain their rights and to have their meets  
met."

When we don't advocate for mothers, when we dismiss  their goals, needs, 
feelings, pain we serve neither the  mother nor the baby.  If I felt that I was 
not an advocate for women, I  could not continue this work.  Who am to presume 
to understand the  pressures, life history, financial, social or inner 
resources of another women. 
 
Thinking back to my own very uncomplicated breastfeeding experiences I  often 
wonder how I would have responded had I had inverted nipples, severe  nipple 
trauma, a baby who wouldn't or couldn't latch, low supply, over supply, a  
colicky baby or one with reflux to mention a few of the issues we lactation  
consultants deal with. What if my husband had not been the fully supportive  
partner I needed, or we had been financially strapped? What if I had been a  young, 
single, uneducated mother with very little help?  I meet  mothers all the 
time who overcome these barriers but quite honestly I'm not sure  I could have. 
When we take the time to understand where a mother is coming from  often we can 
help her overcome her difficulties but not always. Sometimes  the best we can 
do is support her in her decision so that she can move on  to be the best 
mother possible.
 
I'll never forget one mother I worked with. She was young, from another  
country, and had a baby with laryngomalacia.  With much effort she could  have 
breastfed the baby but she did not have the help or support or inner  resources 
to continue when things were so difficult. Like Kika's mother she sat  in our 
office and never looked at the baby. Finally, I said let's not worry  about 
breastfeeding right now--let's just snuggle your baby chest to chest with  you. 
As she did this I saw her relax. After a few minutes she told me that this  was 
the first time she ever felt like a mother, the first time since giving  
birth she was able to relax and enjoy her baby. She did not go on to breastfeed  
and she did not pump long term. But you know, I feel as good about my  
intervention and support with this mother as any I've ever worked  with.  I saw her 
embrace the role of motherhood in the lactation office.  She was able to express 
to me how much this meant to her. She returned for  follow up visits and from 
that day on she was bonded to her baby.
 
When we advocate for mothers, we do advocate for babies.  Sometimes a  mother 
doesn't meet my goals. I need to suck that up. My job as  an advocate is to 
work for the best  breastfeeding information and support to be available to 
every  mother and for the removal of societal barriers to breastfeeding. 
 
Kathy Boggs, RN, IBCLC
Mountain View, CA



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