There have been no nay sayers and I've already issued the disclaimer, so
here goes ....
 
Running Bear finally woke up one morning to discover that he was
a man.  As such, he deduced, he would require a woman.  So he
trekked on over to the Medicine Man's teepee to requisition a
woman.
 
"What you want, Running Bear?" queried the Medicine Man.
 
"Running Bear want woman!"
 
"Hmmm," said the Medicine Man, "do you know what to do with
a woman once you've got her?"
 
"Uh," said Running Bear, "no..."
 
"Then go into the woods for two months.  Find a tree with a hole
in it, and practice on the tree.  Once you have perfected your
technique with the tree, come back to me and I will give you
a woman."
 
Running Bear agreed, and set off into the woods.  Sure enough,
he found a tree with the appropriately sized hole, and began
his two months of practice.  Two months later, he returned
to the Medicine Man with pride in his eyes.
 
"Okay," he said to the Medicine Man, "me know what to do.  Give
me woman."
 
The Medicine Man nodded and brought a pretty young squaw from the
back of the teepee.  "Little Flower," he said to her, "you now
belong to Running Bear.  Do as he asks."
 
Runnin Bear and Little Flower then retire to a vacant teepee where
Running Bear instructs her to bend over.  She shrugs and complies.
Running Bear then gives her a swift kick in the behind.
 
"Hey!" cried Little Flower.  "What did you do that for?"
 
"Me no stupid," explained Running Bear, "Me check for bees first."