This is one of those truly dumb things that you cannot quite believe even when you see it. Even when you see it on a screen that's 80 feet by 100 feet. Whales. Hundreds and hundreds of whales, swimming and flying (yes), and nothing else, but whales. This is the "Fantasia 2000" episode for an excerpt from Respighi's "The Pines of Rome." Nothing Uncle Walt did to music comes near to Nephew Roy's cluelessness. The executive producer of "Fantasia 2000" gave segment director Hendel Butoy the green light to disregard completely the composer's intent in one of the most "programmatic" of all program music. Respighi named the movements specifically, everything pointing to the landscape and places of interest 'round Rome -- such as the bright, brassy "Villa Borghese," the slow, haunting "Catacombs," etc., but in all of the work, there is nothing said or implied of big fish. While listening in the past to the shameless "Pines," I have often seen de Mille's legions marching down the Appian Way, leading some armor-plated elephants under very large neon palm trees... but WHALES? With all its variety and questionable judgments, Uncle Walt's 194O "Fantasia" had a unity of vision: it was clear what Disney was trying to accomplish. But today's Disneys made a mess of the sequel, mostly by riding off in all directions, trying too hard, disrespecting -- of all things -- the music. Some of it works, some doesn't; some segments are "cute," others boring, there are some striking ones. But none of "Fantasia 2000" needs, justifies, explains using the IMAX format -- good, bad, indifferent, it could all very well fit into TV size and, in fact, it would work better in a much smaller format. The 1993 recordings (this is a project long a-borning) by James Levine and the Chicago Symphony are mostly fine, although uniformly over-bright and unshaded, almost undifferentiated. It's a kind of relief to hear the only surviving segment from the 60-year-old film, Stokowsky conducting "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." Perhaps the worst aspect of "F2K" is series of lame, embarrassing "interstitials" (that's what they call 'em) -- brief, awkward bridges between the segments, "host sequences," wherein Steve Martin would pop up and say: "Did you know that many of these musicians are performing for the first time, after they took the Steve Martin instant music course." No rim shot, but exeunt Martin. Similar indignities befall on Bette Midler, Levine, Itzhak Perlman (to his credit, he shows his embarrassment), James Earl Jones, Angela Lansbury, Quincy Jones, Penn & Teller. The quota is one joke per, and there is little or no relevance. "F2K" opens with part of the first movement of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, accompanied with geometric shapes (color cutouts), and beams of light. Looks cheap, especially on that 80x100 giant screen. The damn whales follow, and then possibly the best of the lot: Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue" (with Ralph Grierson, conducted by Bruce Broughton) to Al Hirschfeld's animated cartoon story of life in the Depression, directed by Susan and Eric Goldberg. Yefim Bronfman is excellent as the soloist in the Allegro from Shostakovich's Second Piano Concerto, with the so-so story illustration of "The Steadfast Tin Soldier." Flamingos and yo-yos are featured along the Finale to "Carnival of the Animals," certainly in a more acceptable association than that of whales and the roads leading to Rome. The old Dukas segment yields to four of the Elgar "Pomp & Circumstances" marches (Kathleen Battle is the soloist, Donald Duck is doing his best on Noah's Ark. An excerpt from Stravinsky's "Firebird" closes "Fantasia," a green nymph substituting for what is presumably a tired old-world image of the firebird. The Brizzi brothers did come through with something handsome and somewhat original. They went as far as the Elk, but stopped short of whales. I can't figure the marketing angle for "F2K." Music lovers won't get much out of it. It doesn't look the right vehicle for introducing kids to music (which Uncle Walt did do, with impact on many, including little Jimmy Levine, according to testimony). For possible explanation, stay tuned to ABC stations. Janos Gereben/SF [log in to unmask]