>Carrie, I am so saddened by your anguish and grief. I understand your >feeling that we have let you down. We can throw around our techniques and >our experience and our strong opinions, but sometimes we just don't know >enough. > >I have seen a few miracles in my days of LC work--the several babies who >after 2-3 months of absolutely rejecting the breast just one day latch on >and feed at the breast from then on. And the adoptive mother who never >expected her 13-month old to nurse, but who wanted him to attach so she >slept with him and held him on her bare chest, trying to "womb" him, and one >day she awoke from a nap with him nursing on an empty breast. He continued >for a year. > >Your baby has had the wonderful experience of being at your breast and he >remembers. I believe he will be there again. > >Anything I suggest seems trite compared with your hourly sadness, but I am >going to risk seeming insensitive. > >Hold him, rock him, cuddle him in his sleep--all of this to comfort him--and >yourself. Tell him of your grief and of your hope that soon his fear or >pain or discomfort will heal and that you two will again share the intimacy >that you both long for. He will understand you. Remember that you aren't in >this painful situation alone. Your baby and you are on the same side. Talk >to him about "WHEN you are nursing again..." Don't give up on him or yourself. > >And be gentle with yourself in your grief. Show yourself as much compassion >as you would your child. It doesn't feel compassionate to say "Ah well, you >had seven and a half months...be thankful for that." Rock yourself and say, >"There, there." > >And allow us, who do care even if we suffer in our inadequacies, carry you, >believing in you and your baby when your courage falters. 1000+ of your >closest friends are with you and we hold you in our love. > >Thank you for calling on us. > >Patricia Gima, IBCLC >Milwaukee No. Thank YOU. You said exactly what I needed to hear. THank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! >From: "Anne L. Varberg" <varb0006> >Date: Sat, Nov 2, 1996 3:42 PM >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: bf after surgery (fwd) > >Hi, Carrie! >I was dismayed to see your post on lactnet regarding not having recieved advice >from this list. As I havn't recieved a response from you, I'm wondering if >perhaps this message didn't reach you? In any case here it is again, and I have >little else to add to it, as I've already put everything I could think of into >this post. Please write me, and let me know how it's going, and if you need >more info on any of it. Also, let me know if I can web-search anything for you. >Looking forward to your reply! >Anne > >------------ Forwarded Message begins here ------------ >From: "Anne L. Varberg" <varb0006> >Date: Sat, Oct 26, 1996 4:15 PM >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: bf after surgery > >Hi, Carrie! >Have you been in touch with LLL? They maintain a list of people who have nursed >in special circumstances. They should be able to hook you up with other moms of >babies with clefts. > >I am so sorry you were not allowed to nurse him prior to surgery! Because there >may be other surgeries for him in the future?? I want you to know that an >anesthesiologist who is well-informed on breastfeeding will know that breastmilk >is to be considered a clear fluid and is allowable closer to surgery that what >you were apparently told. I dont want to make you feel badly about this, but >give you the info for next time if additional surgery is needed. > >As for right now, what pain medication is he being prescribed? Make sure it is >doing the job! And see if you can dose it before the feeding (if it takes 20 >minutes to kick in, then give the meds 20 minutes before nursing). Sounds like >you're doing an excellent job of 'being there' for him, with extra cuddling and >skin to skin contact. Massage has been shown to be very helpful in alleviating >stress and pain following surgery. Also, you may want to have your physician >get you a referral to a physical therapist. I was unaware till recently that >there are physical therapists that work with infant feeding. Make sure the one >you use knows something about breastfeeding! Most are only trained to teach >infants to bottle-feed. I may be dreaming here, but if you could find a pt who >would do massage first, then assist with the nursing too, wow! > >I'll be keeping your family in my prayers! >Anne > Anne, No, I never did get your note. I have switched email addresses since then, however. That might be why... Thanks for reposting... Carrie >