Dear Fellow Lactneters: At Dr. Auerbach insistence I am providing a bit by bit review of the recent ILCA meeting, but more importantly, the meeting of fellow Lactnetters. It began promptly at 1700 when all the Lactnetters filed into a room on the second floor. It was too small and soon about 50 or more lactnetters were crowded into the room. Immediately Dr. Auerbach took control of the meeting and we went around the room introducing each other, our interests, etc. But repeatedly, Dr. Auerbach kept turning the discussion around to a notorious radio host, Rush Limbaugh. We attempted to calm her, but finally we called security and had her escorted from the room. Then J. Kramer entered the room. Now here is a tall handsome man with a camera attached with a 3 foot lens, and chained to his right arm was a large black bag. I am certain I saw radio antennas eminating from this bag. Regardless of where you saw him at the show, he always had this bag attached. Some of the participants became restless about what was in this bag, particularly our Israeli colleagues, and we called security and had him escorted from the room. Then in a bounding fashion came a tall good-looking woman, Pat Bull. She said nothing and was apparently mute. Being interested, I approached Ms. Bull and she handed me a set of lewd pictures of copulating lions in Africa. She kept pointing and saying things like "Missionary" etc. After going all around the room irritating everyone and showing these licentious pictures, we called security and had her escorted from the room. But before she left the room, I had her follow Jonathan to find out what was in the "Black Bag". Then entered our dental colleague, Brian Palmer. He was decked out in an unusual tie and had a 8000 year old cranium in his hand. He kept saying how a tight frenulum had altered this prehistoric mans tooth structure. Upon closer examination however, I asked him how an 8000 year old person could have such a nice bridge and a pair of gold crowns. He was perplexed. No answer, so I detailed Dettwyler to review the dating on this scull, she said it might take a year or so. However, Palmer immediately began to go around the room inspecting everyones frenulum. The crowd became unsettled and called security and had him removed from the room. We suggested he bring gloves the next time. This process of elimination continued until there were only two individuals left, myself (your reporter), and Evi Adams. So I turned around to look at Evi to see if she had violated a LACTNET law. Here she sat with an Israeli army cap, and a strange looking metal object sticking out of her pack. Upon closer examination it appeared to be an Uzi submachine gun. She gave me this lascivious smirk. Frightened, I uttered that unspoken word "Rush Limbaugh" and security ushered me from the room. Upon exiting, I found K.Auerbach marching her troops up and down the hall four by four. They were yelling "One, Two, Three, Chest". "Breast is best, Breast is best". I joined in at the back. As we passed a dark corridor I found Pat Bull following J. Kramer with his black bag chained to his wrist, into the mens rest room. On the other side of the hall, Brian P. had a long side-burned man trapped in the corner. He was telling him about his bad frenulum and speach impediment. The man kept saying, "Please, Don't step on my blue suide shoes". Yes, he looked familiar. So attempting to leave this riotious crowd, I looked behind me to find Evi Adams following me down the corridor with her Uzi strapped around her neck. I did everything she told me to... (Toby, please keep this woman home next time). So that is about everything that happened at the LactNet meeting. Security was glad to see us go. Reporter Hale PS We never did find out what was in that black bag ?????? Pat is still working on it. Perhaps she'll tell us what she found out in the men's rest room.