In my own experience I have noticed that kids go to the people that they know and feel safe with. Back before I had kids, my boss (flexible, good family values, personally dislikes kids) hired an office manager part-time and allowed her to bring her then 6 mos old breastfed baby with her. He was uncomfortable seeing her nurse, made joking uncomfortable comments about it, but NEVER considered asking her to stop (he clearly knew it was his problem). He saw the child 3-5 times a week. I on the other had, held that baby every chance I got, I would program with her on my lap, while her mom did work that made her lap disapear...When all of us were out at parties etc. together, Sam wouldn't go to anyone but her parents and ME. She wanted nothing to do with our boss (he never held her, at least not after the time when he was told to carry her out in the hall, as she was crying during an important phone call, and he gave her away to a random nice woman who worked for another company...) or even her grandparents. But she knew me. My kids have an honorary uncle to whom they have always gone happily. He has always been acceptable to them, even when they were in stranger-anxious modes. He spent enough time with them every week to earn that trust. Their grandmothers didn't get that trust until the kids were almost 3. I am very willing to believe that kids living in extended families cling less to mom, because they don't need to, they have loving, consistant substitutes, who will be around for a long time! I do wish for that lifestyle myself, everyone gets more done, with less frustration, spending fewer resources, since the childcare is more spread out, and could actually be regarded as a break from other forms of work. (I get a taste of this during the 18th living history events my family attends as reenactors. It is truly amasing how unstressed I feel after a day of cooking over a campfire, shopping (in tents), port-a-potties, no running water, all with 3 kids in tow (one infant), while my husband is off with the men playing soldier. All the women help each other out, and there are lots of other kids, 6 women,12 kids (4 ages 9-13, the rest under 6), and it's less work than being at home! And that's when the childless women don't help. Sometimes they do, and then it's pure heaven! We didn't get the full value of this, in that Teddy was often "strange" at the beginning of a weekend, but by the last day, the 9-11 year old girls would take turns holding him during packing up, to their and his delight Especially Tara, who would much rather hold and watch Teddy than her OWN baby brother!) So why don't the Ezzos simply recommend that people see friends and family daily, then the kids WILL go to them happily? **sign** [log in to unmask] (Colleen Humphreys) ps. MIL means Mother-In-Law, DH means Dear Husband (both lovingly and sarcastically, watch for the tone and smiley faces), LOL means Laughing out Loud, and ROTFLOL means rolling on the floor laughing out loud.