This is a great post! I would just like to say that healing can really come from gentle birth, breastfeeding and attached parenting - all things that lactnetters are trying to promote. With respect, Anita Breastfeeding Counsellor Australia On 25/11/2009, at 11:58 PM, Susan Burger wrote: > Dear all: > > I can certainly empathize with living in a bad neighborhood. I > lived in the Central District of Seattle when it was a bad > neighborhood and prostitutes hung out on the corner and men (not > women) harassed me when I walked home from school. In what was > then Zaire, I was often harassed by men and had a friend who was > raped in another area of the country. I've lived in many and even > lived in countries where entire areas might be considered bad > neighborhoods. Every time I visited Cambodia I would decide not to > visit Angkor Wat because there was a bridge blown up or some other > incident. In the Philippines, I had to talk a driver out of > killing his boss on a three-hour ride where he was waving a gun > around. I could fill pages of "incidents", but in the 33 countries > I visited or lived in, I always found people with whom I found > community and similarities. > > I can also empathize with having fears about your child or > children. The most painful incident for me was when my son was > completely ostracized by all the mothers at his Jewish nursery > school within the first month of starting school. They would call > to their children to get away from my son. It turns out that one > mother had spread the rumor that my son had bitten a girl. The > nursery school director was so appalled by their behavior that she > had a mandatory meeting for all the parents where she explained > that biting is normal behavior and unavoidable in nursery school, > that there was no evidence that nursery school at age 2-1/2 > benefited children, what they did about preventing biting and what > they did when it happened and that my son was NOT the biter. She > also implemented a once a week talk with a child development > specialist. I considered it group therapy and forced myself to > go. It took me a long time of going to that group (with many times > of having to force myself not to fall asleep and drool on the > coffee table when the mothers would talk about Prada bags) to > finally feel a sense of community with those mothers. In the end, > I actually credit those mothers with teaching me that threaded > through the light gossip of mother to mother conversations are very > important underlying themes that build a community of assistance to > develop pragmatic solutions for rearing your children. I > eventually even came to understand that the mother who started the > rumor was extremely insecure about her own parenting and thus, > acted out by making comments about the rest of us. > > My son had his head smashed repeatedly against a brick wall in > third grade to the point of a light concussion. Despite the fact > that that child is from a particular “group”, my son’s best friend > is also from that “group”. So, my son has not attributed the > behavior of the child who beat his head against the wall to a > “group” behavior. At the age of 8, he already realized that this > child has circumstances at home that are going to make his life a > challenge. My son also takes martial arts and has a black belt now, > so in fifth grade my son is now unafraid, but still avoids this > child so as not to provoke him. Last week this child again tried > aggressive behavior by slugging my son and then stole my son’s > lunch box, my son knew that if didn’t react the child would get > bored with the lunch box. > > I am grateful that something my imperfect parents did in my rearing > enabled me to look beyond the group and discovered the underlying > reasons why people sometimes behave in unacceptable ways. I’ve > never for a moment when I actually considered it important whether > someone on Lactnet is “liberal”, “conservative”, “libertarian”, > “democrat”, “republican”, “working family party (which is a > category on New York State ballots)”, “socialist” or “communist”. > I find that all too often these labels are used inappropriately to > label someone when they may disagree with the person who is doing > the labeling. > > It is perfectly fine to label the threatening behavior of the > prostitutes on that street corner is unacceptable. At the same > time it is unacceptable to label all prostitutes as immoral when in > fact those prostitutes may have lived through horrors of sexual > abuse that you may not have endured. Similarly, while I can > understand how unacceptable it may feel to be labeled and pressured > to undertake a test that you don’t want, it doesn’t mean that > labeling entire groups is acceptable. Ditto for politics. In the > United States, how we vote is a private affair and I never assume > from a person’s behavior to know how they vote. > > I hope that all those who live in threatening circumstances can > eventually live in sufficiently secure circumstances and heal the > wounds that can develop into fear and hatred of the “other”. > > Sincerely, > > Susan E. Burger > > *********************************************** > > Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html > To reach list owners: [log in to unmask] > Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask] > COMMANDS: > 1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an > email: set lactnet nomail > 2. To start it again: set lactnet mail > 3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet > 4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet > welcome *********************************************** Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html To reach list owners: [log in to unmask] Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask] COMMANDS: 1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail 2. To start it again: set lactnet mail 3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet 4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome