Just saw some nice comments on this issue and wanted to add my own little bit ( I know I came in in the middle so pass over what has already been said) : Parents who are used to seeing bottlfeeding all the time around them, who have birthed into a bottlefeeding culture are often clueless about the fact that bottlefeedinga as a feeding skill is very different than breastfeeding, as well as the fact that bottlefeeding as a physical-emotional-sensory experience is a hugely different experience. I have started pointing out to parents not that breastfeeding is "harder" but that some aspects of bottlefeeding are unnaturally easy ( baby does not latch onto a bottle, it is already shaped and just goes into the mouth, usually by being pushed by the feeder) and others are unnaturally hard ( may be perceived as invasive, uncomfortable, flow is constant and uncontrollable except by tongue-thrusting, and the flow remains constant during the entire feeding as opposed to normal feeding at breast where volume transferred near the feeding's end is less than earlier in the feeding in response to what has already happened between mom and baby.) The mother's body "knows" a baby's feeding has been progressing, a bottle knows nothing except fluid dynamics. The idea of respectful bottlefeeding ( how I sometimes refer to Dee Kassing's JHL-printed style) is a new one to them. A baby who has been an active participant in feeding, whose signals are noted and responded to, and then the baby initiates latch and feeding, etc., is only smart to take note of the fact that a bottle being stuck into his/her mouth can be rude, even invasive. and add that to the fact that fluid dynamics, for some babies, mean they may be overwhelmed by flow, gag, etc. Parents often later say " I never noticed it til you mentioned it, but yes he does "look worried, eyes big, sound gulpy, sound gaggy"' whatever. Parents are used to the idea that you stick a bottle in a baby's mouth, they feed, it's easy. But then again, if breastfeeding is natural and that takes practice and finessing, why should something unnatural and out-of-control be accepted easily? :) The other fact that is often hard for parents to hear, but I myself believe is true, have seen it myself, is the loss of the intimacy that normal feeding offers when baby is bottlfed. No skin contact, no mom smell, no heartbeat, no perfect body temp., fresh milk, no rhythm and response to the flow and feeding pace. When mom leaves some babies will actually grieve, they power down and seem depressed. Most get over it but one baby I knew did not. The mother knew this was an emotional issue of grief more than "simply" the different skills required since the baby would take a bottle from her, but only her, not even the husband. When she went to work the baby refused to eat, became lethargic, and acted depressed all day even though the caregiver was a loving daddy. She was told by a smart pedi and his wife we all know that she had two choices: stop leaving the baby for now, or push through, break the baby's spirit, wait for the survival instinct to kick in, and yes it would most likely eventually feed. ( My paraphrasing.) The mother decided to take a leave of absence from her job at a baby magazine. I don't know what happened months later, but this was her solution at the time ( baby was about 4 months then if memory serves.) Denying the real emotional stress that separation can place on a normal, well-attached baby can hinder understanding about why a baby is "so stubborn." Supporting a mother committed to returning to work means acknowledging this reality while giving her all the tips and support one can give. If this is this mother's reality, she may need to look at it like other parenting non-negotiables. If the baby gets upset in the car seat, they still have to stay in it til it's safe to stop and not be in it, if baby gets upset during vaccinations ( if the parents choose this) or necessary tests the parents feel are justified, these stressful events will still be "allowed" to occur for the "greater good." Some mothers are open to bringing the baby to work for a time, for others this is impossible and bottlefeeding seems the only option for a very young baby. Understanding the emotional and physical--physiological reasons why bottlefeeding might not come easily should help the family achieve healthy feeding relationships and successful feeding strategies. My that was LONG! Judy LeVan Fram,PT, IBCLC, Brooklyn, USA *********************************************** To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest) To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet All commands go to [log in to unmask] The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(R) mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to: http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html