Human development is a life-long process. Maturation is relative and multidimensional. There is no such thing as a final outcome of "full maturity." Parenting itself is a developmental task--and perhaps the hardest one that human beings face. In the best of environments, every mother will know less when she begins mothering than she will know two months, two years, two children, or two decades later. This relative lack of knowledge, skill, and maturity is a reflection of our humanity. Yet countless women, with their relative, human and unintentional lack of knowledge, skill and maturity, struggle to accomplish the developmental tasks of mothering with little or no meaningful, trustworthy, and systematic support, guidance, and respect from their social systems. This fact indicates a tragic failure of social systems--not a tragic failure of individual women. Women who grow up in profoundly age segregated societies (like the United States), where babies and mothers are commonly isolated in nuclear homes, simply have not had the chance to see what human babies and young children are really like. Women who grow up with little or no exposure to breastfeeding simply have not had the chance to see what breastfeeding and breastfed children are really like. What they see instead is media and marketing myths of babies and children--myths that create false expectations that eventually conflict with reality. Babies are supposed to sleep contentedly alone through the night, but they don't; babies are supposed to feed on schedule, but they don't; babies are supposed to play happily alone for hours in a play pen, but they don't.... According to the marketing, such conflicts between expectations and reality can only be solved with the purchase of a product: a tape of a mother's heart beat that plays any time baby stirs from sleep, artificial substitutes for human milk, more and more toys.... Such products are grossly inferior substitutes for what babies and young children really need: engaged, active, present mothers backed up by the ongoing support of extended families and societies that truly respect mothers and the priceless work of mothering. In my mind, it is no wonder that so many women are downright shocked and dismayed to find that mothering takes far more of their energy, time, and commitment than they ever imagined. When mothers express to us the frustration inherent in such shock, we are given the opportunity to acknowledge it, respect it, validate it, and help a mother begin to grieve the fact that she has been systematically lied to throughout her life time. When we find the compassion and patience and skill to do this (even when we are understandably so very frustrated ourselves), we provide a safe space in which a mother may be able to recognize--and then consider accepting--the unexpected invitation for personal growth and development that mothering has brought her. If she cannot recognize this invitation now, much less accept it, our compassion, patience and skill may still be critical to her ability to do so later in her mothering. With understanding of the frustration often expressed here on this topic and with respect for the hard work you all do to support mothers, Cynthia Cynthia Good Mojab Ammawell Email: [log in to unmask]; Web site: http://home.attbi.com/~ammawell *********************************************** The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM) mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to: http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html