>Why do you automatically assume that she is being selfish?  I suspect that
she
>may well feel quite trapped and helpless in the current situation.


No, the very point that I was making is that too many women in this world
think they *have* to have their cake and eat it too.  It is evident that
many women don't think too much about having kids before they get pregnant,
I am NOT saying all women, but many.  We get upset because so many haven't
decided how they are going to feed their babies when many of them don't even
think about prepared childbirth, let alone how they are feeding, diapering,
daycare vs. home, etc.  I AM saying that becoming a mother is NOT something
to be taken lightly, and for any person, regardless of educational level, to
think that having a child won't change their life or won't make them
re-evaluate things, well they are being unrealistic.

I am not saying that I am uncompassionate to individual circumstances, but I
am saying that women need to look at these things BEFORE they stop using
birth control (preconceptual counseling).  They need to put more thought
into having children than they do into buying a dog.  I will share that I
grew up the daughter of a single parent, a parent that I wished and wanted
to be home.  I cried when my friends mother's who stayed home where there
when they wanted an after school snack or didn't have to know what daycare
was all about.  My mother worked to put a roof over our heads and food in
our mouth, and it taught me a very big lesson... don't have kids before you
are ready, and when you do, never make them feel like work has to come
first, even if it does.  My mother did the best she could with what she had.
Too many women becoming mothers these days had their own mothers at home
when they were growing up and take this for granted, they don't see the
value in parent centered care (look at recent daycare studies about
aggression!)  The fallacy that our households can only survive with two
incomes is just that, a fallacy.  I fear that too many working women *think*
they are greatly contributing to the family income when they do not realize
that half or more of it goes to daycare.  And I also think that people do
not realize that their schedule can change in order to accommodate a family,
for instance, I have a cousin that is an ER life flight nurse in busy
Seattle, her husband is an EMT and drives an ambulance.  They have worked
hard to make sure that one of them is always home, she didn't breastfeed as
long as I would like to see her, but she did nurse until the girls were
about one, of course she supplemented with breastmilk and ABM.  To see the
pride in her eyes knowing that her kids have never been in daycare even
though they both work is a joy.  It can be hard on a marriage, but so can
kids in general, again, it's not a choice to be taken lightly and should be
discussed before getting pregnant, not the night before mom has to go back
to work.

That being said, I was just sounding off among friends... but it is odd that
everytime I do that I get in trouble.  Of course I support women, if I
didn't I wouldn't have a practice.  But I fear that in this era of
protecting women's rights, we have encouraged women to take on tasks that
maybe they are in no way ready for.  I have a busy life, I counsel women,
and I am in school to be a midwife, I will be starting an apprenticeship
here in the next few months, AND I have three children, the youngest of
which is now 3 months, it may not be the 60 hours plus per week that a
female doctor is expected to put in, but I am also confident in the fact
that my children and my family will always come first.  As an adult, I made
the choice for them to come first before they were born.  And living on one
income (not including my private practice, which is run from home as will my
midwifery practice) is a matter of priorities, it's all a choice.  In fact
my favorite quote of late is this "we are all a product of the choices we
make, or the choices we allow others to make for us" so... make good
choices.

Melisa
~*~*~*~*~
Did you hear? Breast is Best!
Certified Lactation Counselor
Student Midwife
Alternative Medicine Counselor in Training
Childbirth Educator
www.nurturingmama.com

Mom to Harry who changed my life,
Jacob who changed my spirit, and
Elleanor who changed my soul.

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