On Tue, 2003-01-28 at 11:22, Teresa Pitman wrote:
> My guess is that the mother is reacting to her baby being a different gender
> than expected. I remember seeing a mother years ago who was told after an
> ultrasound that her baby was a boy, only to discover at birth that it was,
> in fact, a girl. She told me it felt like she'd been given the "wrong" baby.

I'd like to second this.  Having a baby of the opposite gender to what
was expected is recognized as an unexpected outcome, and parents may be
hit just as hard as if the baby was born with a birth defect.

Parents invest a lot of emotional energy in the third trimester into
their relationship with the unborn baby.  It can be a massive adjustment
if, say, the parents thought they were having a girl, but a boy is born
instead.  There they are, having talked to the baby in utero as a girl
for a few months, dreamed about their little girl, and lo and behold
that baby that is born is not the baby that they thought was being
born.  They may have gone out in typically American Affluenza fashion
and done the baby's room in pinks and bought lots of lacy baby clothes.

It can be a huge adjustment.  Some parents can roll with it and others
can't and so need a little more help.  They need to know that it's
normal to need some time to adapt to the situation; but that the infant
does need their help now!

regards,
Beth
perinatal educator, pp doula
--
  /\/\    Beth Johnson
 / o o\   Cosmic Wonderer
( / ^^\)  Springfield, MA USA
 \ M_M/   "Ruling a country is like cooking a small fish--
           you have to handle it with care."--Lao Tzu


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