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Subject:
From:
Bernshaw <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Mon, 7 May 2012 08:34:06 -0600
Content-Type:
text/plain
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To me, this does not sound like a matter of knowing the law. It sounds  
more like being (or not) at ease with the topic of breastfeeding per  
se (on the part of the boyfriend) and the need to please the boyfriend  
(on the part of the young woman). It is sad that she did not  
demonstrated the strength to "defend" the nurturing influence of  
breastfeeding after all the care that she received from her adoptive  
parents.

Parenting is a one-way street. As hard as it sounds, parents must let  
go of their children accepting them the way they are and feeling  
gratified that they did the best they could while rearing them. On the  
other hand, this is not the only time when his opinions will be  
different from her life experiences, whether she agrees with him or  
not. Furthermore, it is not too late for her to rethink the situation  
over. After all, if she is to adopt a child, she will have plenty of  
opportunities to remember/rekindle her own experiences as she was  
growing up.

Nicole Bernshaw, MSc, IBCLC
Salt Lake City, UT


> -----Original Message-----
> From: Lactation Information and Discussion [mailto:[log in to unmask] 
> ] On Behalf Of Darillyn Starr
> Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2012 9:58 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Breastfeeding not an appropriate meal-time subject!
>
> I need a shoulder to cry on, as well as some information.  21 years  
> ago, I adopted a 9 pound six month old girl, who had been born with  
> a diaphragmatic hernia, and spent most of her life in the hospital.   
> She was fed mostly through a gastrostomy, was severely  
> developmentally delayed, and antisocial.  She showed very obvious  
> signs of reactive attachment disorder.  I knew she was in danger of  
> growing up seriously handicapped, physically, socially, mentally,  
> and emotionally, if I didn't give her the best I possibly could.
>
> When I got her, the only sucking she did was a few minutes a day at  
> a bottle full of Pregestimil, with a premie nipple, which flowed way  
> too fast for her, and frequently gagged her. Getting her nursing was  
> a process that took five months and a great deal of patience and  
> creativity, but we got there, and it made a huge difference in her.  
> That baby we were told would not be normal grew up to be a very  
> intelligent and talented young lady.
>
> She moved to California a few months ago, to be with her boyfriend.   
> I went to meet him, last week.  One day, we were having lunch at a  
> restaurant.  They had just told me that they hoped to adopt a baby  
> one day.  I asked her if she was going to breastfeed.  I told her  
> boyfriend that I had breastfed her and that she had nursed until she  
> was a little over two years old.  Later, my daughter informed me  
> that I had greatly offended him by speaking of breastfeeding.  She  
> said that it was an inappropriate thing to speak about in a  
> restaurant and that her boyfriend also thought that the people at  
> the table next to us might have heard me and been offended, too.   
> She said (obviously parroting him) that it was a subject that should  
> only be spoken of privately, not in public.  You would think I'd  
> been loudly talking about some deviant sex act or something!
>
> I spent the next few hours holding back tears and I still feel  
> horrible about it.  I tried to explain to her that it is the law  
> that women are entitled to actually breastfeed their babies in  
> public, without being harassed, and that I had never heard of anyone  
> saying that it was inappropriate just to talk about it, anywhere.
>
> Can someone tell me what the law in Calfornia says, specifically?  I  
> want to get along with this guy, since my daughter is determined to  
> be with him, but I think I need to stand up for myself, and  
> breastfeeding, too.  I am sure it comes from the fact that he is  
> 100% ignorant about the whole topic, but I don't think I should have  
> to let him stay that way!  I think being able to show him the law  
> might give it more weight, rather than being just my opinion, which  
> he apparently doesn't respect.
> 		 	   		

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