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From:
Virginia Thorley <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Mon, 16 Jun 2014 22:05:33 +1000
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Maria, thank you for sharing further details of your story, and the story of the very healing action by your daughter. Where I grew up in tropical North Queensland, small children's mosquito nets were sometimes tucked in, to prevent mosquitoes from getting in under the bottom of the net. It was okay if one were awake when trying to get out of bed and untuck the net, but disorientating trying to get up when half awake. I asked that my net not be tucked in. My brother was a very active sleeper and of a morning was sometimes swinging in the net outside the bed, as if in hammock. Tucking in the net stopped him hitting the floor. Almost no one had fly screens then. Spraying of neighbourhoods by the city council, improved drainage, and education of residents about potential breeding places for the dengue mosquito (saucers under potplants, etc) made nets less and less necessary. 

Unlike for Maria, the mosquito nets on beds weren't used as a form of control of children. Our area coastal wasn't malarial, but epidemics of dengue did occur from time to time. However, my mother used bizarre forms of control in other contexts and only for the girl child - not in regard to rules on baby "care", but later in childhood and very idiosyncratic (non-ending "punishment" to enforce instant obedience in situations that were unrealistic, weeks of punishment for just one "enfringement"). The result? Lifelong low self-esteem and sense of inferiority.

I am posting because use of nets on beds can have other intentions. It is unfortunate that they were used so abusively when Maria was a small child. That was a horrible experience, especially being tied to the bed.

Virginia
In Brisbane, QLD, Aust.

-----Original Message-----
From: Lactation Information and Discussion [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Maria Parlapiano RN IBCLC
Sent: Monday, 16 June 2014 4:11 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Night training 2

Thanks Rachel - I forgot to mention that I was tied to my crib and a net was put over the top bc I used to try to climb out!  I've been trying to "climb out of that crib" ever since :(. I believe fending for myself at a young age negatively influenced so many of my relationships - I was forced to create my own tools to cope and they were simply dysfunctional.  It is no surprise I do what I do for a living- basically stating "This is how it should be done"

One of the most poignant moments of my life was when I was hospitalized for a serious surgery post my battle with breast CA.  I was in my room post surgery and my extended family was there - my oldest daughter who was 25 yo at the time arrived.  She stood in the doorway silent  then proceeded to walk up my hospital bed, climbed in, lying next to me with her head on my chest.  No words needed.  I'll never forget it.

I share this story powerful story of attachment sometimes with my clients.  My daughter and I were right back where we started - I was there for her when she needed me as a small child, she was there for me when I needed her as a grown woman.  There for each other than and now.

Priceless

Maria Parlapiano
Chatham, NJ

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