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Subject:
From:
Wendey K-H <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Fri, 15 Dec 2000 09:45:09 -0500
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Jennifer Tow wrote:
>     If there is an "unhealthy breastfeeding relationship" between a parent
>and child (and certainly a father's coercion away from breastfeeding fits
>this bill, as well), then there is plainly an unhealthy relationship between
>the parent and child. It is unlikely to express itself in only one aspect of
>the relationship.

You are absolutely right.  Many don't understand how one could coerce a kid
to nurse when you can't coerce them to clean their rooms, stop fighting,
whatever.  Well, that's good the wonder, I am glad they wonder, because
that means they are good parents who wouldn't set up a nasty unhealthy
relationhip like that with their kids.  When I see kids who are
*completely* compliant (and I don't mean regular, easy, cooperative
kids.  I am talking a whole other kind of *unhealthy* compliance.  Think
Ezzo or Pearls) I worry, and wonder.

No the mom doesn't just keep nagging about nursing.  It's a subtle
relationship set up from infancy.  The child does whatever mom or dad
wants, for whatever reasons.  It's not always as blunt as "I won't love you
if you stop".  It's as subtle as "you need to keep nursing.  You know you
have asthma".  "Natural weaning happens around 5, you're only 3".  "Are you
sure you want a drink?  I'd rather you nurse.  Ok well, if you must drink
you can only have warm water".

As an adult, once healthy, the kid looks back in horror at how compliant he
or she was and how nastily dysfunctional it was.

It is true if the child was coerced to drink soda or whatever, no one would
care.  And that concerns me.  But I think there is emotional harm from
coercing to breastfeed that outweighs the emotional harm from coercing to
drink soda.  Whether they are or not in actuality, western culture
considers breasts sex objects.  Perhaps this child had picked up on it and
was ready to stop, who knows.  I just reject that it's impossible a
breastfeeding relationship could be unhealthy.

In a tangentally related note, it occasionally comes up on parenting lists
whether or not it's ok to have sex while nursing.  Yes,
simultaneously.  After much heated debate, I decided to call CPS and just
*ask* if this was a problem.  It is a very big problem.  Grounds for
immediate removal and full investigation.  Not that I think nursing a 6 yr
old is sexual, but obviously CPS considers the breasts to be sexual objects.


-Wendey
Mother of Olivier (5Feb97) and Kay (11March99)
Studying CCE with ICEA
Studying LC Living in the 'burbs of Montreal
Make a Peacekeeper's Day and Sign a Card! http://www.22minutes.com

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