This is to Joyce, who had the frustrating consult with a "yes, but" mum.

I may be heartless, but I try not to spend too much time and energy on
situations like this. I will do what I can to provide the mother with lots
of listening and options (which you did admirably). Yes, I DO feel badly for
the baby, and for the mother who may not have the joy of breastfeeding. But
once the woman has the information she needs, referrals, etc., I back off
and let her decide what to do with the information. She knows I'm here if
she wants further input. She is the only one who can make the decision to
try whatever it is that has been
discussed. She may need days to make a decision. If I don't allow her that
time, she may not be able to do the thinking involved in making the right
decision. I think we can even make it more difficult to make the right
decision if we have invested inordinate amounts of energy and have made it
really obvious what we want her to do. In this case, I worry that the woman
may not make the best decision for her, but the one she feels she must make
so as not to hurt or disappoint us. That's not good decision-making!

I have decided that I have only limited time and energy, and that I choose
to use it where I feel I can make the biggest difference. I no longer try to
convince people to do anything. Some women need time to become really ready
to breastfeed. I posted a message last year (or maybe longer ago) about the
Stages of Change and how they affect the acquisition of various behaviours.
This theory (also called the Transtheoretical Model of Change) guides me a
lot in my work as well as my personal life. If anyone's interested, I can
post information about this again if the original isn't in the archives--not
sure how far back those go (and if you're interested please look there first
so I'm not reposting old info readily available).

Joyce, you did a fine job working with this mother. Now comes the hard part:
letting go and allowing her to do what she feels is best for herself and her
baby. It may not be the choice you or I would make, but that's OK. I always
remind myself that I have no way of knowing just what is going on in a
woman's life, what resources (personal, family, financial, etc.) she might
have or not have, and that I can't possibly presume to know what is best for
her in her particular family situation. Hang in there--maybe you'll have an
easy, really rewarding consult next week!

Leslie Ayre-Jaschke, BEd, IBCLC
Peace River, Alberta, Canada