Ruthy, my heart goes out to you.  As if it's not painful enough for you to
deal with the loss, you must also deal with the blame (which is totally
inappropriate).  I find it ironic that when a child who is artificially fed
dies, you hear not a word regarding AIM's potential harm, but when it's
bfing & things that go with it, watch out!  Similarly, when a SIDS death
occurs in a crib, no mention here either, but if baby's in bed with mom or
dad - many cry foul!  Kathy D. made a point some time ago about deaths in
cribs:  something to the affect of so many more deaths there, on the whole,
than when baby cosleeps.  (Kathy, is that right? You said this soooo well!)
So why not bring those things that relate more frequently to these
situations to task?  If only we would see such blame on that "other stuff" &
begin to use it appropriately!  Hang in there.  HUGS to you on this
difficult day...

Debbie Shinskie RN CES IBCLC in Millersburg, PA, USA
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http://www.epix.net/~shinskie/
"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea."
                                                -Isak Dinesen