Wow!  Knives coming at your during the bike ride.  That ***is*** graphic.
That's what I thought childbirth would be like.  Somehow I imagined that if
it was that painful and hush-hush it would feel like knives.  But Ii was
never that challenged that way by my births.

It's so hard to share a good birth story because so many times women are
retelling their stories in order to process the events, comparing what they
'planned' with what actually happened.  It is a healing process and a way of
looking to future change.  But I love the story of the uphill bike ride and
downhill sun & wind!  A great analogy for me paralleling my experiences.

 My newest sister-in-law is finally pregnant after trying for months, wants a
hospital birth just in case, to be safe,  and is planning to breastfeed.  I'm
trying to figure out how to give her a positive picture of child birth.  I
asked her if she'd 'mind' if I sent her my favorite birth books - I don't
know if they're out of print so I'll have to send my own copies - Commonsense
Childbirth and Experience of Childbirth.  Any other suggestions?
Would those who have posted about childbirth stories in the past few days
mind if I forward them to my sister-in-law?  Thanks.  It's always harder to
try to share things with family members.

Mine own child births have been lovely, but this is not to say that they were
'perfect'.  I had a powerful 'peak experience' with the first even though I
was in a hospital.  I had home birth Dr. attending me, no internal monitors,
no IV, no drugs, back labor which my husband got me through by
counterpressure on my back, and fifteen minutes of pushing followed by hours
of ecstasy.   My son was born at 1:17 pm and he and I stayed awake until four
in the morning - he, latched-on and nursing the entire time!  Then he and I
fell into the deepest sleep.  I waited impatiently the next morning for my
husband to show up and get us out of there.  Turns out he was exhausted and
had slept until 10 a.m.  : )

My daughter was breech, born at home and the easiest, most comfortable and
shortest (4 hours) of my three births.  She was a frank breech and Dr. White
later told me that if we'd been in the hospital that hospital protocol would
have taken over and even though he knew how to deliver breech babies that
they would have called in a surgeon and I'd have had a c-section!  When he
came back the next morning to examine us he had a big grin on his face and
asked 'how did I like my home birth?!'  And then he answered himself "no
comparison, huh?"

Anyway, I agree that I wouldn't call my experiences of giving birth painful.
They did take a lot of focus and concentration.  For the first  I was
ultra-prepared having read those great books and attended a birthing class in
the Chicago area.  It was invented by a nurse who had read Grantly
Dick-Read's book and involved deep, relaxed, abdominal birthing and
practicing birthing while the instructor talked about how the muscles of the
uterus were working to efface and dilate.  During birthing I really monitored
whether or not I was tightening up my muscles in my arms and legs and neck
and face because I knew that being tense could heighten pain.  AND I knew
from several women first-hand that they had delivered at home **with no
drugs.**  I knew it could be done.  That's why it's sad that it is hard to
share "good" birth stories.  You have to walk a very delicate line not to
pontificate or brag but just quietly try to share that it can be done. The
problem is that know one know before hand what each experience will be like.
 I don't know if any studies have been done comparoing the degree of
percieved pain with childbirth methods, settings, baby's weight, and baby's
head and shoulder size as variables.

When my childbirth instructor was invited to speak at the spouses org. on our
campus I was sitting next to a woman who told the instructor she was doing
women a disservice by saying childbirth wasn't painful. She said it was
painful and we shouldn't deny it.  I quietly tried to tell her that I didn't
have a painful childbirth.  And that women needed to know it could be not
painful.  Not that this IS true for everyone but that it can sometimes be.  I
don't consider a heavy cramping of my uterus pain - an ache but not pain.
 Maybe it's how we classify things. And the fullness of the baby crowning did
make me feel as though I would split in half and it felt like my eyes could
pop out of my head,  but it was a sensation of incredible fullness not pain.
 I don't think we talk enough about childbirth in our society.

My third birth was different in that I had a friend present for my older
children, and a friend for me as well.  My friend had just the right touch.
  At one point she used light touch massage on my thighs and abdomen.  It was
just the perfect thing at the time.  I felt as though some greater instinct
was in play  - that she know what to do.  Both the other friend and my
husband tried to touch me around then but it was wrong; too heavy and
distracting.  After ten hours of labor my son crowned and his head came out I
couldn't understand why I still felt so full.  Turns out he was the first one
not to pop out all at once.  His chest and shoulders were broader and his
hand was up by his neck. I was so surprised that my body still had more to
do.

 I've told my daughter that for me the work of childbirth was like having to
pass (excuse me) ; )  a rather large stool just from a different passageway-
you wait it out, breathe a little, don't force it, apply a little pressure,
and eventually its done.  But the results are so much more rewarding when its
a baby!!  And on that strange note...and thanking you in adance for any book
recommendations....

Mardrey
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