I don't normally send these out, especially to busy people like those on
LACTNET, but I just couldn't resist. Read it closely, and I hope you all
forgive me.

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* Badtimes Virus Alert! *
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If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it.  This is the most dangerous e-mail
virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive.  Not only that, but it will
scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.

It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your
ice cream melts.

It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the
tracking on  your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to render any
CD's you try to play unreadable.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number.  It will
mix antifreeze into your fish tank.  It will drink all your beer and
leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming
over.

It will put a dead rat in the back pocket of your good suit and hide
your car keys when you are late for work.

It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows
while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing
the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it.
It will kick your dog.  It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's
voice mail in your voice!  It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous
and terrifying to behold.  It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.  It will make a batch of
methamphetamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the
stove while it goes out to chase high school kids with your new
snowblower.

These are just a few of the signs.  Be very, very careful!