My last post was not dismissing the fact that many women in our society
have very little choice in the matter of early separation from their
infants.  Nor was my post about making judgements about their decision.
What I believe is important is not sugar-coating the situation.  I have
had employed mothers ask me why their baby sleeps so well at the
sitter's but when the baby is with her at home the baby is awake and
nursing constantly.  I tell them what I believe to be true:  that the
baby loves her very much and misses her.  Some babies, like some adults,
sleep alot to cope with stress.  When some babies, like some adults, get
back with the person they love they don't want to miss one minute of
being with them.  So they hold on to them and act as if they never want
to let go.  Moms need to know that that behavior is a normal coping
behavior of humans missing those they love.  I have found that
employed/student mothers find it easy to cope with this behavior when
they understand it.  In fact I have had some mothers who were very glad
to hear that, yes their baby loves them very,very much. Mothers who have
had to separate from their babies need to hear over and over again that
their babies love them.  I think many are afraid that their babies will
bond with the "other" care giver.

We all pick and choose our words carefully with mothers.  Many mothers
have no other choice but to separate from their infants early.  I think
these mothers need to know that others recognize their emotional pain
and are willing to discuss it.  They also need to know that their babies
love them and miss them.  I believe not discussing it, hiding the pain
of mother/baby separation is a mistake our society has been doing for
too long.  Valerie W. McClain, IBCLC

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