Everyone did what they thought was best for their own. So, those
military mommas who chose to pump, to separate, to do whatever because
they saw the military as their first and primary obligation are likely
to find this situation a non issue.  They did it, their kid is good,
what's the big deal?  Similar to I was formula fed, what's the big
deal.  We can't have it both ways. Babies need their mothers only if
their mother chooses they do?  How does that work?  Somehow the baby
intuits that the mother feels unnecessary, so the baby adapts and no
longer has a need for her? When I looked for the science and the
studies for the impact of maternal deployment on the infant, followed
through the early years, etc. I could not find it.  I would prefer
studies that say not only do the children survive, they thrive.
Children survive some rather unpleasant experiences and go on to make
it in the big bad word, but it did cost something. Before we say this
mother needs to get over it, we may want to consider if we have a
right to ask the same of her child?

 In the real world, unfortunately for the babies, most are asked to
find that balance between best for baby, and best for food on the
table. In the military the options are less open for negotiation and
since heaven forbid women dare to use being female with female
functions as a reason to receive different treatment they are accused
to holding women back or a detriment to the military, etc.   We don't
of course know this particular mother's situation and perhaps she
simply is using bf as an escape from duty.  But, just as likely she
was unaware of the depth of attachment and desire to remain with her
child that would engulf her when she started out.  Like many mothers,
perhaps she believed our social construct against the biological care
of our infants and was not prepared for feeling 'motherly' so
strongly.  Perhaps she did not choose to leave because during
pregnancy she was unaware of how strong those emotions would be for
her. While I respect that women have choices, and a right to make
those choices, babies are without voice, rights, or any choice at all
in their circumstances. In those occasions when a mother desires to
remain her infant's habitat, a country's institutions...including
military...should see that the child has a right also.  Yes, it is
true we are still a voluntary military.  However, that may not always
be the case.  What precedent we set today around the rights of the
children balanced with the needs of the nation and the rights of the
parents may one day matter quite a bit.  I would never choose military
life...don't do well with the whole following orders thing. Haha.  And
that does probably cloud my understanding of the expectation of women
to serve during the earliest months of their babies' lives when the
very fiber of their psyche is being formed and attachment is being
affected for a lifetime by the absence of the mother. I respect those
that serve.  I am a child of a military career man.  I get the whole
service to country and duty.  What I cannot understand, and since
military was never my life's ambition probably never will, is how or
why we ignore what the reality of that choice by the mother means to
the child.  Or, maybe the reality is, mothers are not that important,
and human babies really just need loving care from someone and a
source of food that is nutritionally adequate in the absence of the
human mother.

What I would hope to find among professionals aware of the importance
of early mother baby attachment and breastfeeding as a process, not
just a product, is an attitude that the mother is seeking to make the
best choice for her child, even if that choice is not one that was
chosen personally. It is what I expect in all maternal and child care
professionals.  The science and the respect for what is a biological
normal behavior and drive for many women....never mind biological need
and normal behavior for the infant and child should be what motivates
and guides care.  Not personal experience, opinion, or 'well, this is
what I did and my kid is fine' attitude.  I see that among ob/gyns who
mock women desiring a non intervention birth, pediatricians who mock a
mother's desire to avoid even one bottle or even the smallest amount
of formula, etc.  And now the attitude among breastfeeding
professionals that a mothers milk in a bottle is good enough and the
goal is to make enough, store enough, and get back to duty.  I prefer
the 'can-do' attitude to be more about finding a way to limit the
separation and protect the process of breastfeeding which requires the
presence of breasts, not a good pump and FedEx.  I think before we
assume the choice of the mother is hers to make and the baby is not to
be considered, we may want to have some science that says nothing
harmful happens to the baby who loses the mother's presence as well as
the process of the breastfeeding itself.  We may or may not agree with
the choices, but our opinion should be separate from the science of
what is best for the child.  Since there doesn't seem to be much
research, the least I would expect is a respect for a baby's
biological expectation to breastfeed, not bottle feed expressed milk
or be fed formula.

Of course, there is always the possibility that we are all just
spinning our wheels for nothing and the reality is that human babies
do equally well without their mother as well as the human source of
feeding. I am sure that in a few more years we will be able to prove
that formula feeding is equal to breastmilk feeding, that bottle
feeding as a process is equal to breastfeeding as a process, and that
mothers as care providers, and this idea we have that babies need
their mothers is just so much nonsense after all.  I think we have a
long way to go when it comes to respect for the child let alone the
mother.  Indeed we seem to desire to escape our biology and deny our
offspring theirs.  How many years will it take before the next stage
of evolution?  I have a pediatrician in my area who tells mothers all
the time that women have evolved beyond producing adequate milk and
that formula is a necessity for all babies.  Maybe he knows something
we don't?  Maybe I have been saying it wrong for all this
time...babies are humans, humans are mammals, and we all know baby
mammals need their mothers.  Now, it is true that many mammals leave
the den/nest (never mind we are carry mammals, moms can't get all the
way there sometimes) but mostly mammals come back and feed their
offspring.

I agree if the mother cannot find any alternative the hope will be
that she can pump enough to leave behind, manage to protect her supply
for a few weeks, and return to breastfeeding.  But what if that is not
the case?  What if she is that mother who needs frequent feeding at
the breast to protect her supply and the pump doesn't cut it.  What if
her baby is the one who suffers greatly due to the loss of her milk?
What if her supply runs out, the baby absolutely will not return to
breastfeeding and therefore must have formula and lose the right to
breastfeed? Then what?  So what?  She did her duty and fulfilled her
obligation and the cost to the child is of little consequence in the
balance of military duty.  I never will be able to wrap my head around
that.  Just because the current regulations do not allow for the need
of the child does not make it right.  As more and more women
participate in military duty, the military must expect to make
changes. However, if women are expected to shut up, put up, and get on
with it without seeking to make those changes it just won't happen. It
will unlikely happen in time for this mother and this baby, but to say
it should not happen or that it is unreasonable to want it to happen
makes no sense to me.  Acceptance of the way things are and always
have been does not encourage change.

Best,
Pam MazzellaDiBosco, IBCLC, RLC
South Florida, USA

             ***********************************************

Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
COMMANDS:
1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome