I suspect this is a reflection of the mother's fears that she can never
love the new baby as much as the first child.  Many moms feel this way at
first, but bond to their babies.  If these feelings persist, it could
indicate a disturbance in the attachment to the new baby.
        Could the mother be persuaded that it is a good thing
developmentally for her toddler to learn to share by watching her bf the
baby?  We do all kinds of things that are good for our children that they
consider unpleasant- encourage them to eat veggies, require them to be
polite and respectful to others, take them to the doctor...  Parents who
neglect an infant because they are afraid their toddler will "feel bad"
are probably ambivalent about setting limits, and are not doing either
child a service.
        It sometimes works to tell this mother that she can explain to
her toddler that this is the way she took care of him when he was a baby,
too.
--
Catherine Watson Genna, IBCLC  NYC  [log in to unmask]