>I have permission to post:  A G3,P3 mom with a 10 mo old with cranial
>stenosis.  He recently had surgery to defuse the cranial plates.  He is
>exclusively bf, gets 3 meals of solid foods, and is small for age but
>typical compared to genetic size of parent, and to growth patterns of his
>siblings.  The problem now is that even after 4 wk surgery, he is very
>clingy, nurses off and on all night so that mom is both sore and
>exhausted.  She tried wearing a sports bra to bed after his last nursing,
>but he just cries.  He won't go down for naps alone in his bed.


Poor little man :( :(

This is normal behaviour for a baby of this age, esp a baby who has
been through surgery (and possible separation in hospital, even for a
short time, thogh I do hear you when you say she stayed overnight
with him....it will have been scary for him nevertheless) and he is
reacting in the absolutely normal way - to make sure the centre of
his love and life does not leave him again.

The mother needs to know that the best way to respond is not to fight
or struggle or try to change him but to meet these needs as much as
she can.  When a baby knows his needs are going to be met, when he is
accepted as having these needs, when he does not have to cry or fuss
or protest, he calms down and becomes much less anxious.

yes, he may still be in pain, I suppose, but alongside checking that
out, perhaps she can regard this clingyness not as being 'unnaturally
anxious' but as an understandable age and stage, and work out how
best she can be supported to care for him, day and night.

>    In hospital stay the mom did not leave him but had a regular bed put in
>the pedi room so that they could sleep together.  She feels that he is
>unnaturally anxious now and is at wits end to know what to do.  She was in
>for shots last week with her 5yo, and I took the baby out of the room so he
>wouldn't witness his big brother getting upset.  He was quite unhappy, and
>after about 10 minutes when I took him back in, he went to his mother
>eagerly, but did not act happy.  She says he is not happy now.


In attachment terms, this would be seen as disordered, I think....but
it can be 'fixed'.

Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK

--
http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk

http://heatherwelford.posterous.com

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