Jennifer, I really appreciate your concern for the mom who has previously lost two babies and doesn't want to actually nurse the one she is carrying now.  My first thought is that she has been subconsciously detaching herself from this baby, emotionally, out of the fear of losing it, like the first two.  That could certainly create some anxiety over the thought of nursing.  I think that is fairly common, and have also seen cases where mothers who have experienced the death of a nursing baby have weaned a subsequent baby before it got to the age at which the previous one had died.  I am convinced that the reason my daughter, Julia, ended up being placed for adoption by her birth mother, who was married and planned the pregnancy, was that she was trying to protect herself, due to the very real possibility that Julia would die of the diaphragmatic hernia that had been diagnosed by ultrasound, at 24 weeks.   Unfortunately, by the time it became apparent that Julia's repair had gone well and that she would survive, the damage had been done, and the birth mother never did bond with her.  After four months, the birth parents both decided that they couldn't handle her problems (which were significant, but actually much less serious than many CDH babies) and turned her over to the state of Nevada.  

I would suggest trying to explore this possibility with this mom.  Also, I wonder if it could be that she has a history of sexual abuse.  I wonder if there is some way to assure her that having a baby suckling the breast is not sexual.  Perhaps even seeing a diagram showing the position of the breast inside the baby's mouth would help.  I, personally, would not have been comfortable with breastfeeding, had it not been totally different from anything sexual, but my experience was that the benefits of nurturing at the breast were so well worth the effort, that I spent a whole decade of my life nursing adopted babies, with only a partial milk supply.  

Also, perhaps she is uncomfortable with the thought of having others see her nursing, and could benefit a lot from seeing examples of moms nursing discretely in public.  At any rate, I would think that if she would try it for a little while, chances are that she would overcome whatever it is that makes her uncomfortable about it.   

How is your own baby doing?  I think you are a tremendous inspiration to others, having accomplished so much, starting out as a teen mother!  

Aloha,
Darillyn 



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