Hi All,

 

I've been reading this topic and have worked with many women who have a
difficult time feeling like the baby is theirs after a traumatic birth.
While I Haven't had that particular issue myself, I did go through a
'sister' of that with my breastfeeding experience with Ben (my 13yr old with
whom I had terrible issues with).

 

Many of the women I work with who are going through a traumatic BF situation
experience what I did - a difficulty in bonding with the baby due to the
severity of the BF issues.  They feel so overwhelmed with all the "stuff"
they have to do to try and protect milk supplies, pump, feed babies, suck
training, pain from damaged nipples, mastitis, sleep deprivation, the time
factors involved that leave them little time to eat, pee, shower, breathe
let alone have bonding and enjoyable time with the baby.  The fact that I
have been through this gives me the ability to completely understand and
support the moms - however, having been through this 

 

I also know the emotional trauma that is caused and how long it can take
some of us to get through it.  The weeks of emotional turmoil in trying to
manage Rules #1, 2 and 3 and stay sane can be incredibly difficult.  Many
moms subsequently deal with PPD sometimes so severe they need medication.
This of course adds another layer to the situation that many moms just can't
cope with.  Some moms 'stuff' the emotions and don't deal with them until
years later.  Some moms are able to deal with the emotions after all the
issues have been worked out and BF is going 'normally'.  Others (the lucky
ones in my mind) are able to hang in there and not have emotional trauma
during the BF issues.  I was one whose bond with her child stopped the day
(Sept 9) I stopped nursing him and started pumping (he was born Aug. 24).
It didn't start up again until Dec 17 when we were finally nursing on both
sides 'normally'.  The nightmare was over.  But the underlying anger and
stress wasn't fully dealt with until after he was 4.  

 

When I work with a mom who has been through the traumatic birth and then who
also ends up with traumatic BF it is a real challenge.  There is a
tremendous amount of counseling and empathy and listening required.  It is
imperative that these women are validated in all their feelings - that they
get counseling from a professional if needed - that they be HEARD.  They
feel betrayed by their bodies, betrayed by their HCP's, betrayed by their
families (when they are constantly told to quit because the family can't
handle seeing them hurt), betrayed by their babies (when the baby is the one
with the issue that causes the problems and pain) - and the GUILT that comes
along with all of those totally understandable and valid feelings.  

 

These women need a lot of handholding through their situations until they
are finally past all the problems and into the solutions and have met their
goal of 'normal' breastfeeding.  For those who are looking at weeks of work,
this can be a challenge to find someone who can work with them that closely.
It can be a challenge for me to help them understand that I AM there for
them - that they CAN call me 20 times a day or more if they need me - that I
WILL support them in their choices, even if they decide they cannot continue
to try and make BF work.

 

I am not asking for suggestions or thoughts - just putting my thoughts out
there on a topic that is close to my heart.because I've lived it.

 

Jaye Simpson, IBCLC, CIIM

Breastfeeding Network

Sacramento, CA

www.breastfeedingnetwork.net

 


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