It might help the father to read "Beauty and the Breast" to help him
understand that his feelings about breasts are the result of growing up in
American culture where the breasts are overly sexualized, and that that
these are learned attitudes and behaviors, not biological instincts that his
son shares.  Having grown up as a long-time nurser, his son views breasts
very differently than he does.

It would seem reasonable to me to have the parents jointly ask the boy to
try to curb this behavior, in public, and when the dad is around, and to try
to come up with something to replace it.  People do have to live in families
and accommodate to others needs and desires.  Just as in some families some
members insist on privacy while in the bathroom, and in other families some
members are horrified by children burping or passing gas, while in other
families, or with certain family members, one just tried to control oneself,
at least while that person was around.  Or if you just had to pass gas, you
went in the other room while grandma was visiting, but if she wasn't, you
knew it was fine to do it in front of everyone else.  Or the way some family
members might insist on being called "ma'am" or "sir" -- so you teach your
kids to always say "Yes Ma'am" to Aunt Betty, and "Yes Sir" to Uncle George.
  Kids can learn at a very young age to be respectful of other people's
feelings.

So while dad can certainly work on understanding his own reactions to his
son's touching of the wife/mother's breasts, the son can also be working on
modifying his behavior under certain circumstances.

At least, that is how it seems to me . . .


Kathy Dettwyler

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