All this reminds me of a call I had last week - a mother of a six week old
wanted to go back to college 3 days a week, the course was starting the
very next day, (the call was at 4 pm!),  she had no EBM, she had never
pumped or expressed with any success at all, and the baby had never had a
bottle of anything, *and* she had no idea of whether or where she could
express and store milk while at college (and she would be away from her
frequently-feeding baby for *nine hours*) .

I thought 'YIKES! Terrible idea!'  and we talked for ages and ages about
what she would have to do as soon as she got into college the next day to
find out what the facilities were, what the options might be, how
impossible it would be for her carer to bring the baby to her in the day
(baby was being left with her mother, 10 miles away, and mother couldn't
drive...).

It was a real challenge for me to try and steer the whole thing towards
*her* saying it was a terrible idea!

I had to use phrases like ' hmmmm...that's a tall order' and 'yes, um,
there are a few hurdles to overcome...' and 'I sense you are a bit anxious
about the whole thing...' I was longing to say 'You wanna do what????
between this afternoon and tomorrow morning????'

But clearly, she had had deep misgivings, or she would have got herself
organised with some info before then....and it turned out this course had
an alternative starting day next January (it was a hairdresser's advanced
certificate in perming and colouring) and when we started discussing this
option she was a lot happier.

But here I can be a bit franker:

I think the idea that a mother of a 4 day old baby is sitting all day in a
lecture theatre, with or without the baby,  is *totally outrageous* and the
idea that she has to think about anything other than her baby and herself
is *very very sad* .  Even watching videotapes of the lecture at home is
far too much.

But then I always was naive ; )

Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc Newcastle upon Tyne UK

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