Wow, I also react the same way when moms ask that inevitable question.
Before I hit her with my reaction, I make sure she knows that others feel
the same way.  I ask them: " Many of you have felt that way or may feel that
way in the future, and even if you don't, someone in your
family/neighborhood/gym class, etc will tell you that you are no more than
his pacifier. and here is one way to answer: Yes, I am his pacifier, in
fact, I am his WHOLE world: his food, his blanket, his security guard, his
lawyer, his doctor, his model, his protector,  and if when I breastfeed I
can provide him with everything he needs in life at this point, that is a
really wonderful feeling!! I am glad that you noticed that."
Or, I may hold up a pacifier and ask the whole group: Do you really think
that G-d/Nature created you to replace this pathetic little piece of
plastic? You are so much more than food for your baby.  Imagine the baby is
crying, and you now know that he is not hungry.....do you really think that
he wanted this in his mouth? Imagine that you wake up in the middle of the
night, from a terrible nightmare, or don't feel well, or just need some TLC
and all you want is to hug your husband to calm down.  Now imagine that
instead of a hug, he puts this in your mouth and turns over and goes to
sleep.  How would that make you feel? Does this calm you down, or only shut
you up for that moment and makes you think ten times before you again ask
for a hug?"
Many moms don't realize that babies are humans with feelings, and
unfortunately those around the mother perpetuate this.  I try to explain:
suppose your baby cries and when you pick him up he stops.......what does
that mean? It means that you are a wonderful mother who knows how to answer
your baby's needs!!
If you really want to get into a serious discussions, you can cite the
studies on maternal deprivation and the effect of lack of physical contact
on human infants.  I only go into those details when there are insistent
grandmothers in the course who insist that loving=spoiling.
And here we are 8,000 miles on the other side of the ocean and  we have so
many of the same issues and problems regardless of culture, ethnicity,
religion, roots, etc.  What has society done to all these moms, and in so
few generations?

-----Original Message-----
From: Nikki Lee [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Wednesday, November 26, 2003 12:34 AM
Subject: Mother as pacifier?


In a message dated 11/25/03 3:49:20 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
I wonder if a lot of the mothers who say something to the effect of, "I
don't think he's EATING, I think he's just using me as a pacifier" (a phrase
that causes the little hairs on my neck to stand up and scream out loud....)
have not been touched a lot themselves as children. What do you all say when
a
mom says that to you?

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