in keeping with the recent discussion of gentle birth, following is an excerpt from an article, "why men leave" by john travis m.d., that was sent for discussion on the email board in one of the two attachment parenting groups I'm in (one an hour north in Savannah GA and one an hour south in Jacksonville FL, since Brunswick, doesn't seem to have alot of AP types). the link to the original article is www.kindredmedia.com.au/library_page1/why_men_leave/60/1. I explored the website, for "kindred" magazine. fascinating.

"....Sourcing the Pain

I was born in the farmlands of western Ohio in 1943. Like most babies born in those days, I was drugged (via my mother's general 
anesthetic, which took weeks to wear off), dragged out of the womb with cold, metal forceps, grasped by sticky rubber gloves, and 
plunged into bright lights-instead of being gently greeted with warm hands in subdued light. I was doubtless held upside down to drain my 
lungs (I'm not sure if I was slapped or not, but that was the norm of the day). Stinging silver nitrate was put in my eyes. I was wrapped 
in cold, scratchy fabrics instead of being allowed to mold my skin against the warm skin of the person with whom I'd been intimately
connected for nine months. A little while later, I was taken to the nursery where I was placed in a plastic box beside Carol D., born 
earlier that day. I spent my next 10 days there (the norm for the early '40s). I was given a cold, rubber nipple with a bottle of a 
fatty, antigenic substance instead of the miracle food that three million years of evolution had prepared for me.

Then, a day or so later, I was immobilized on a board and the majority of the most sensitive nerve endings of my penis were 
amputated. Then followed the standard "normative abuse" parenting practices of the 1940s:
1) artificial baby milk-probably Carnation or Pet Evaporated Milk,
2) a four-hour bottle schedule (I got hungry every three hours and cried that last hour, until I learned it was no use and made a 
decision about the world that is so basic to my brain's neural organization that it still impacts almost everything I do-Asking for 
what I want doesn't work-my needs will never be met.), 
3) restraint in a crib or playpen,
4) deprivation of the continual movement of being carried in-arms,
5) sleeping alone in a separate room.

Most of these 'improvements' were devised by men propagating, in the name of 'modern child rearing practices,' untested 'scientific' 
ideas, all of which have since been proven to be destructive to human bonding. I don't blame my or other parents of that age: they 
naturally followed the cultural winds, and the promise of science and technology to cure the world's ills was, in 1943, still an 
untarnished vision.

From the very beginning, I used depression as my primary defense against recognizing my inability to get my nurturing needs met. While 
my primary defense appears outwardly as depression-closing down my senses and feelings by withdrawing into my head-it's just one of a 
standard set of defenses that unbonded children/adults cling to in their attempts to escape the pain of the early needs deprivation that 
still eats away at them. Other defenses include addiction, violence, chronic illness, and ecocide (destruction of the environment)- 
symptoms of what James Prescott named Somato-Sensory Affectional Deprivation Syndrome (SSADS) in his early bonding research.

I created a "safe" world in my head that allowed me a sense of control (since I had no control over being fed, touched, or held). The fact 
that I was disconnected from the matrix of my life by being isolated from others, most especially my mother, limited my ability to express 
my needs and get them met-hence the periodic depressions. No one recognized my depressions, including me, until I was in college-
people just thought I was "quiet."

My condition is not atypical of most men alive today who were raised by 'modern' cultural standards. One friend, though raised in 
California, was fortunate in that his mother was from South America. He was breastfed well past age two and has always seemed happier than 
any other person I know....."

vicki hayes rn ibclc in brunswick ga
mom of sean (sept 2000), harrison (sept 2003), and lachlan (march 2006)
www.myspace.com/that_username_is_taken

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