Oh dear -- another guilt trip!  I have finally recovered from missing the
vaginal delivery experience (two c-sections after long and non-medicated
labors) and then weaning my first at 9 months (ignorance is only temporarily
bliss).  Now I find I have missed another peak parenting experience -
co-sleeping.  Fellow lactnetters please please let's not make a religion of
co-sleeping!

I recommend it, by the way, to all new moms who complain to me of lack of
sleep.  When moms of older children who are co-sleeping call me to say they
are being pressured by "friends" to end this I tell them to ignore the
pressure.  My attitude:  if it works for you and the children then enjoy.  I
love the whole concept of the family bed.  In theory.

I can't do it.  I know -- what an awful mom I am.  But really.  I tried.
 There is obviously some trick to it that I didn't get because the babies
slept but I totally did not.  At all.  But I do want to set something
straight --

Having your child/baby sleep in a separate room does not have to mean that
child has to be a frightened, screaming mess before being picked up.  Heavy
sleepers should undoubtedly try to have baby in bed or at least in same room.
 But I can hear the grass grow at night.  My husband snores on (and on) while
I am up and off at the first hint of a changed rhythm from either bedroom.
 (All doors are open at night.)

I loved night-feedings (well, most of the time).  I had the baby's room set
up with a separate heater (just the right temp for both of us), pretty
decorations (for me to enjoy in the middle of the night), comfy chair for us
to snuggle together while nursing, water at hand.  Just the two of us.  And
my husband was much nicer to be around after he had slept all night
undisturbed (he is not into night parenting in the least -- not the very
smallest amount -- nope).

So, I wish I had been able to co-sleep.  It sounds very beautiful.  But
please don't make me feel that what I did was/is brutal to the children --
honestly, I don't think they knew they were on their own as babies I was in
there so fast.  I don't believe in letting babies cry for a moment...

I envy those of you who have been so successful in what is obviously a
natural and desirable approach to night-time parenting.  Some of us just
don't get an "A" in this event!

Joanna Koch, IBCLC
Los Altos, CA