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Subject:
From:
Jim & Winnie Mading <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Sun, 28 Mar 2004 08:03:49 -0600
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Another situation where normal infant behavior doesn't fit a
preconcieved mold, so it must be "abnormal" and we have to give it
some fancy schmancy label!
As stated, we don't know the full story, but I wonder if this is
part of what was happening.
1 - Baby is a "high needs" baby to begin with
2 - Mom does not have an accurate idea af a baby's normal needs
3 - Family, friends, doctors, society in general are pressuring mom
to "not let baby get too attached"-perhaps even more so as he is a
boy
4 - Mom subtly pushes baby away by trying to make him go longer
between feeds, sleep in his own bed, "not use her as a pacifier",
not want to he held "between feeds" etc.
5 - Baby senses the above and desparately tries to get closer to mom
so he doesn't lose her
6 - Baby's efforts to hang on to mom are seen as the problem, not
baby's response to mom's behavior
7 - Mom feels even more pressure to make baby "not so dependent" so
her behavior increases
8 - Baby feels even more insecure so he increases his own natural
attachment behavior

Thus we have a viacious cycle.  Need to  accept baby for where he
is, meet the immediate needs without imposing an arbitrary schedule
on when baby should decrease his need for mom, and realize that baby
will "strike out on his own" when he is darn good and ready.

Winnie

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