I stopped judging women who refuse to consider nursing after the following
three exchanges with women who said they did not plan to nurse their child:

       Interaction #1: upon meeting a woman who was a friend of my sisters in
high school. She said no and turned away embarassed. I later found out that
her baby was adopted and also severly brain damaged prenatally. Unable to
even bottle feed.

     Interaction #2: At a party, a very pregnant woman got very upset when I
asked her if she planned to breastfeed. The hostess later told me that the
woman had had a mastectomy on one side and a lumpectomy on the other and
needed to undergo chemo as soon as her baby was born.

     Interaction #3: A mother of a premie I was trying to help said she was
very anxious to do what was best for her baby but that every time she pumped
she got very upset because it reminded her of when her ex-boyfriend would
force her to have sex, and she was dredding the day her baby was stable
enough to be put to breast, already having feelings of revulsion picturing
the baby at the breast. I offered to teach her to hand express if she wanted
to learn a different technique for obtaining breast milk that she could
totally control and did not involve external force.  (She said she would
think about it but never approached me again). I also strongly encouraged her
to seek professional counseling for herself. For this mother, I feel that
such strong affect would not lead to a happy, well adjusted child if these
negative maternal feelings continued with breastfeeding and interfer with
bonding.

From then on, I have tried not to judge, only to help when my help is asked
for.


Debbie Rabin, OTR, CLC
Los Angeles, CA