One factor about breastfeeding is that it is seldom approached objectively.
The reason being that it affects us all: men, women, hcps, etc.  We have
been either recipients or providers of breastmilk...or not.  When we talk
about breastfeeding as a relationship, as a good nurturing behavior, people
who were not breastfed feel deprived and angry because it is a situation
they cannot change.  Some women choose formula, despite having all the
pertinent information and it is difficult to come to grips with that.

I think the problem with LLL has been precisely the motto of "good mothering
through breastfeeding".  I understand its true meaning, I am an insider to
LLL and to breastfeeding.  But to outsiders: women who read about it, the
ones that attend only one meeting, etc. it has a certain sound of
exclussion: if you do not breastfeed, you (or worse, your mother) are/is not
a good mother.  It is a sad an erroneous assumption, but regrettfully it
takes almost nothing to be perceived and years of hard work to wipe out.

Some women have excellent ways of relating to their kids that have
absolutely nothing to do with feeding...they relate to their children, like
fathers do: a lot of touching, a lot of loving....but someone else feeds the
baby: father, grandparents, the childminder at the nursery or a maid.  I
think is important to recognize that.  Yes, kids may not thrive on formula
the way they do on breastmilk, they will not reach their potential, they
might even die, etc., etc., etc., but a lot of parents are willing to live
with that......the way they live with the fact that they do not have a lot
of time for their kids, that their children watch too much TV, eat too much
junk food, etc. the problem is that LLL, by its mere existence, is a
constant reminder of their choices.

Diane Weissinger has given us the solution: breastfeeding as the norm.  You
can be a good or bad mother regardless of your feeding
practices....breastfeeding is simply the way we are supposed to feed our
kids when they are little.  We (meaning breastfeeding advocates, LC and LLL
leaders) do what we do because some societies have lost the know-how.
Breastfeeding ties a mother to a baby.  In other times, in some societies,
that is seen as normal, babies and mothers are a couple for a while and
that's it.  In other societies, those ties are seen as a burden and that is
why the mother/baby pair needs help.

Lavinia Belli, LLL, IBCLC

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