This past week I had a pregnant mom in my office at WIC where I had the
luxury of doing the breastfeeding workshop one on one (it's usually done in a
classroom setting). She seemed uncomfortable with the notion of putting the
baby to the breast, although she felt strongly that breastmilk was indeed the
superior food for the baby. After we talked for a while, I came up with one
of my inspired notions, I pick up cues from the mom and I get a suddenly
clear picture and know exactly what to say, so I'd like to share that with
you Lactnetters-esp. Kathy D.- I told her that actually what we do with a guy
is to treat him like our little baby, we even call each other baby, and that
the relationship with the baby comes first! (and maybe CAME first, in
anthropolgical terms)  In the Anita Baker video, Anita sings the song-Giving
you the best that I've got. I ask the moms-who is she talking to? One mom
(this was in the classroom) said-to the child. I said, yes, NOW she's talking
to the child, but when she originally recorded the song she was talking to
some GUY. Once you have the child, that child comes first! Anita Baker also
talks lovingly, with tears in her eyes, about how there's nothing like
holding your baby, nursing it, and having it look up at you! Sure we enjoy
breastfeeding, otherwise we wouldn't do it. But it's a special enjoyment for
mother and child. I also tell moms that the one of us with the uterus is the
one of us who decides who feeds the baby! Since we don't choose who will
deliver the baby, we don't need to choose who will FEED the baby!

This mom also wondered if mothers were using breastfeeding as a form of child
abuse (!). I told her I thought it more likely that  there would be abuse if
the child WASN'T breastfed. Are there any statistics about this? In the
horrific stories of child abuse and child murder, have these children been
breastfed??? Don't breastfeeding dyads have this terrific hormonal system
built up that fosters attachment, prevents postpartum depression, and the
child abuse that might come with it?

Pearl Shifer, M.Ed., IBCLC