Dear all:

I can't help myself - its too much late night sci fi, too many badly written novels like the Nanny 
Diaries that caricature the New York mommy scene, and the NY Times and my one addiction to 
expresso (Yes, Jennifer - I need some work on that one) that drives my overactive imagination.

So, I'm thinking of all the business opportunities here.  

First, for the Upper East Side mom:  Bring back the wetnurse.  They would be screened for every 
disease imaginable   Perhaps a wetnurse cam would be installed on their body so that they could 
not illicitly have sex and contract something.  There would be a delivery food service that would 
provide appropriately formulated wet nurse food.  Or perhaps computerized chips implanted so 
that they would be fired immediately upon any indicator that they had any disease.  The idea of 
the wetnurse could be sold by recruiting psychologists who would provide evidence that human 
physical contact actually helps your chlld to be more independent (i.e. interfere less with your 
lifestyle) at an earlier age.  We could get testimonials to this effect.  Now that I'm thinking about 
this, it might even work on the Upper West Side which has a local paper that has the "Junior Ivy 
League" column that tells you how to get your child into the "right" preschools and private 
schools.  We could have testimonials from educators about how more wet nursed children get into 
their schools because of the extra physical contact.

Second the wanna-be model:  The petnurse.  For those who can't quite get their wealth 
management together to make enough for the full-time wetnurse.  Seriously, the New York Times 
reported on the fact that firms are working on genetically engineering goats that will produce 
human milk.  So, why not take this a little further.  You could choose your own type of pet and 
have the pet do the nursing.  This reduces the cost because you would not need the wetnurse cam 
or the computerized chip to monitor wetnurse health status.  Pets can be trained and eat less 
food.  A much more affordable model.  They could trot out those studies on the monkeys that 
bonded with goats and did better than the monkeys that had the stuffed doll as evidence that the 
child would do better than being put in a carseat alone.  The pets could be bred for maximum 
cuddliness, although I suppose one would have to be careful about SIDS and getting the right fur 
length.

Then, for those who want to make money off their milk - why donate?  I suggest demanding 
royalties.  Those who eat a better diet can demand more!  

Best regards, Susan Burger

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