I think that this is a wonderful gift that the foster mother is offering to the adoptive mother.  The baby should have an easier transition, in my personal opinion, because he/she will not be facing a new way of feeding as well as adjusting to & bonding to his/her new family & environment.  The baby will have reinforced normal suck patterns which will help prevent nipple soreness & tissue trauma for the adoptive mother as well.  My general thoughts also include that it is easier for the child to adapt to the new permanent home if the babe comes from a truly loving and caring foster home.  We know that it is dangerous & life-threatening if a newborn is deprived of adecquate contact & attention; so, would it not be to everyone's advantage to provide the best care possible in the interim?

In my career, I have seen birth moms nurse until the adoptive mother assumes care.  I have also had the wonderful experience of a grandmother nursing her oldest daughter's child because due to illness & separation of many miles, the mother & babe were in separate hospitals for a time.  I also know of sisters who nursed each others' infants as these were children who would most definitely not take a bottle from anyone. The children most definitely know who mother really is while still loving other family members as well.

It was noted that the birth mother had invited the adoptive mother to come to the hospital to nurse.  I would hope that the adoptive mother takes her up on that offer.  I have observed with the sick newborns I work with that the ones who were able to spend some time on their mother's breast soon after birth were able to breastfeed better after their recovery, even after not being able to feed at the breast for several weeks.  I think that the imprinting on the baby's brain is beneficial & that they seem to be able to recall that when they get the opportunity offered again despite the many negative oral stimuli involved with newborn intensive care.  It could be helpful in the separation involved in this adoptive situation as well.


There is no way in this situation to totally avoid feelings of loss & mourning:  The sacrifice of the birth mother in the best interest of the infant she delivered; the foster mother giving loving care for the interim weeks; the adoptive mother knowing others are caring for her infant and the loss of the pregnancy/birth experience; the babe moving between the various mothers.  It does appear that all of these women are working together to best aid the infant in this transition to home.

Thanks for letting me share & please keep us posted on what happens if you can.

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