One of you posted a note asking about extended breastfeeding in family law
cases. This is a bigger problem than many may realize.
The legal system is just a reflection of society's standards. Add to this
that judges want fathers to be involved. There are several ways that the
issue of extended breastfeeding can arise, and here are some pointers if it
does:
1. Where there are allegations that extended breastfeeding is harmful to
the child.
Although current recommendations are to breastfeed till age two or
beyond, we all know that there are many in the medical and legal profession
that are unaware of these recommendations, or why they exist. Usually the
best witness is the child's pediatrician, if available. If not, another
pediatrician, or a board certified lactation consultant can provide accurate
information to the judge, or the other side about what the current rec. are
and why..
Received a call today from a mom in NY. The father's lawyer
consulted with some experts that told him NO child should be breastfed for
more than 9 months, and going longer than that can be harmful to the child's
mental health. The kid was 22 mo. Still amazes me when I hear this... didn't
those experts even hear of the AAP?
2. Where there are allegations that extended breastfeeding is causing the
child to be too bonded to the mother.
Usually this is alleged when the mother is not only engaging in
extended breastfeeding, but other attachment style parenting choices. It is
not uncommon to find out that there is a family bed, that the mother uses
alternative health care choices, or is homeschooling.
These cases can be very difficult. After all the legal system is
just a reflection of society's standards, and society is not well educated
about breastfeeding. The mother is often viewed as being radical, and judges
are not likely to endorse alternative parenting styles. And, as many
jurisdictions prefer joint legal custody, one parent is not going to be
allowed to unilaterally choose a parenting choice that is not well accepted.
The best help one can give when these issues arise is to look at how
the parents can come to some sort of mutual understanding on these issues.
Otherwise, it can help for the mother to consider modifying some of her
parenting choices to a more main stream approach. I would rather see a
mother wean before her child was ready than to risk losing contact with her
child altogether.
3. Where there are allegations that extended breastfeeding is preventing
the father from having significant time with the child.
Rarely should this come up, as it is only with infants that
separations will jeopardize the breastfeeding relationship. I see this come
up more frequently with children between the ages of 1 and 2. The mother may
believe that overnight visitation is not appropriate because of
breastfeeding. Yet, if the child went overnight, the child would not wean.
It is usually a separation and bonding issue, psychological issues, that are
really at play here. If a child that age has never experienced separations
longer than a few hours from the mother, sleeps with her, etc., the child is
going to have trouble just jumping into long separations without any
buildup, regardless of whether the child is breastfed or not.
The older the child, the less likely that breastfeeding will be
affected by the separations. I have seen two year olds off for 10 days
without weaning; 4 year olds off for weeks at a time without weaning. This
is not to say that lengthy separations are a good thing for young children;
I'd prefer to see more frequent contact rather than longer further apart
contact with under school age kids. However, in assisting a mother in these
cases, one would want to help her to sort out what the issues really are,
and how the father's bond can be encouraged.
Liz Baldwin
_______________________
Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq. Baldwin & Friedman, P.A.
2020 N.E. 163rd St. # 300 N. Miami Beach, Fla. 33162-4970
Phone: 305-944-9100 Home office: 954-929-9090
Fax: 305-949-9029 [log in to unmask]
http://www.parentsplace.com/shopping/esq/index.html
Breastfeeding and the Law: http://www.lalecheleague.org/LawMain.html
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