Hi all,

Some of the views that have been expressed here about this woman and  
the "kidnapped" child are very disturbing to me.  Others I have fully  
agreed with and was relieved to read them.  When we, as medical  
professionals, pass judgment openly in a forum like this, without  
knowing all or even most of the details, it is rather alarming.   
Imagine what the general population is saying and what those who ARE  
involved in the case probably believe.

As has been pointed out, CPS involvement means NOTHING.  In no  
article about this (that I have read, and that has been many) has the  
mother's parenting or mental health been called into question OUTSIDE  
of this issue of disagreeing with the doctors about her son's care.   
They all clearly state that the state became involved after months of  
the parents refusing to "cooperate" with the recommended medical  
care, as a way to get that care for the baby then without their  
consent.  This happens often and says nothing about parenting  
ability.  This also happens any time a suspicious fracture or the  
like comes in.  It is "protect the child first, investigate later".   
I have seen that happen time and again, and the parents are later  
cleared.  Meanwhile, their baby is given a different name and hidden  
from them, and they are not allowed visits.  Our own family was  
recently subjected to CPS investigation when my 7 year old, who has  
had feeding and weight gain issues that have been FOLLOWED medically  
her whole life, saw a new specialist, unrelated to her weight, and  
that specialist got freaked out by her size.  We went in for a 2 pm  
consult and never got home!  She was hospitalized, ultimately WITH my  
consent, but it was made very clear to me that not doing so would be  
considered medical neglect. I was told that if we took her on the  
family vacation two days later as palnned, she was at risk of heart  
failure!  This in a child who has seen numerous specialists and sees  
even her regular pedi  at least twice a month!  I was terrified.   
Then at the hospital, the psychiatry team felt it necessary to notify  
CPS of her "anorexia", so we get to go down that road.  There is, in  
my opinion, a NOT so fine line between helping a child and the state  
getting things messy that they have no place in.  In our case, I have  
done EVERYTHING I can to get someone to pay attention at this  
daughter's (out of six that I have) weight issues, and everyone  
ignores it.  So in that way, I was glad this provider wanted to do  
something finally.  But to make hospitalization critical in nature  
and involve the state was way out of line, and it has put a huge  
stress on our family.

As for marital status, some articles have actually referred to this  
couple as married. The father states that he and the mother have  
continued to disagree about the child's care, but he also supports  
her seeking other treatment, and even after the kidnapping, he  
defended the mom. Regardless, that too does not matter.  Because of  
legal glitches, I was not LEGALLY married to my now ex-husband for  
five of the seven years we were together.  But we were living  
together as a family, well supported and loved.  We were no less  
committed than people who have a marriage license.  In our case, it  
wasn't even possible at the time to be married.  The point is, even  
if this woman was completely a single parent with no involvement from  
the father, it wouldn't necessarily be a "red flag".  And in this  
case, it seems that the father is just as involved as she is!  The  
only difference marital status may make statistically is that single  
moms are often less stable financially and under more stress.   
However, those things have not been brought into this case, and some  
married couples are far less stable in multiple ways than many single  
parent families are.

Sorry for the rambling, but seeing some peoples' responses to this  
here on Lactnet has really gotten to me, and I wanted to say  
something finally.  I think we need to remember to focus on our own  
patients and the needs they may have and be careful about what  
judgments we make about them, as those inevitably cloud our care.   
But we especially need to be aware of what our expressed judgments  
say about us in a case where we have nothing to do with it personally.

Beth Fitzpatrick, ADN, BSN student, mom of 6 (2-18)

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