I have been reading about the occupations of others' partners (I still haven't
figured out what 'dh' stands for).

My first husband was a microbiologist.  He died when he was 25 -- we had been
married 18 months.  I would not have married at that kind of age, but I had no
choice if we were to stay together -- I needed a residence permit.

Just over a year after he died I took up with his older brother and I got
pregnant about 8 months later.  We moved in together 4 months before our son was
born.  After a few years I agreed that we could get married (he wanted to and it
was a nice excuse for a party).  By then I was pregnant again.  This husband is
a maths teacher in secondary school.

For me, having my first baby and breastfeeding him had to make up not only for
the death of that person I had chosen to try to live my life with, but for my
sense that the universe was bleak and dangerous.  I felt that I could give up,
or go forward -- having a baby meant going forward.  I literally now cannot
imagine what might have happened to me, to all of us, if I had not managed to
evade the various pitfalls in getting breastfeeding going.

Having breastfed children has been a primary focus for my husband.  He supported
me without complaint, and really without comment almost,  in staying at home
with the children until they went to school.  He is of the school that all women
should breastfeed, or not have children.  I haven't really moved him from that
position in all these years, although he now knows more about what can go wrong
and how vast are the forces arrayed against women.

*My* paid job is in the Adult Education service, teaching English to Speakers of
Other Languages -- mostly Pakistani, Bangladeshi and Indian women, although at
the moment I am working with one of the Kossovo refugees in Oldham.

Magda Sachs
Breastfeeding Supporter, BfN, UK

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