Dear friends,   I have been not very active on Lactnet this year because
of dealing with lots of issues with my 16 yo adopted son, Andrew.  I read
a book called Primal Wound, a doctoral thesis written around 1994, about
adoption from the adoptees point of view.  The author interviewed many
adopted kids and adults and came to the conclusion that adoption is
traumatic for a fair amount of infants.  I believe my son took on the
identity of a bad person and acted out in self-destructive behaviors at
15.  He believed he was given away because he was a bad baby.  This idea
formed before he could talk, it stayed with him as a deep belief that he
didn't know how to talk about.   I have a primal wound as well, from
having teen age alcoholic parents, didn't feel very welcome or wanted by
my family most of my life.   My son has spent the last year at a
specialty boarding school in Montana and will be graduating at the end of
this month.  He goes to adoption group every Monday and has learned a
lot.   In December, after reading this book, I realized he was set up for
a difficult life no matter if he had stayed with his birth mom who was on
drugs and boyfriend deserted her, or living with adoption issues.  Not
fair.  He realized the same thing in February and became determined to
have a happy life anyway.  
      A baby can go to the warmest, sweetest, most loving woman in the
world, but if is not the woman who carried him for 9 months it is a
stranger and the baby may feel abandoned. 
      I am not against adoption at all.  I am all for it if all parties
involved are agreed.  I just think we need to be aware of the babies'
point of view and experience.
      Susan in Minnesota 
       rn ibclc

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