Dear Friends=

I am surprised that the reaction to the mother who is nursing an 11 y.o.
was whether she "wanted her body back".  Having nursed for over 12 years
(with 3 different children) without a break and worked with other
mothers who have nursed through pregnancies and tandeem nursed,I know
that some women can happily breastfeed for more than a decade without
feeling that they need a break.  After all, this child can't be nursing
very frequently.

What concerns me is how continuing to breastfeed affects the
psychological well being of an pre-adolescent male in this culture. How
could he not be affected by the cultural message that he is doing
something that is at once perceived as both infantile and sexual? At 11,
a boy is beginning to differentiate himself from his parents and is just
experiencing the stirrings of his own sexuality. How can he go through
these stages in a healthy way if he is still suckling on his mother's
breast?

I know that these arguments have been used as to why a 4 year old is
also too old to nurse but a pre-adolescent boy is psychologically
different than a pre-schooler.

In terms of "non-judgemental counseling", I do think that a counselor
has to meet each mother where she is, but if I were approached by this
mother, I would not hesitant to explore the psychological ramifications
of their breastfeeding relationship--not in a judgemental way, but I
wouldn't back away from it either.  She must have some concerns about
these issues as well. In fact, she may be very concerned about them but
feel that there is no professional who will help her without reporting
her to some child protection authority.

And in terms of helping, what advice could you offer a mother who wants
to wean an 11 year old?

(This scenerio raises the side issue of whether as lactation consultants
we have a legal duty to report suspected child abuse---in Maryland,
medical, educational and therapeutic professionals have 48 HOURS to
report.  Are we in this group?)

I would like to hear other people's opinions on the psychological
ramifications of breastfeeding into the preteen years.  At some point,
could continuing to breastfeed be construed as sexual or psychological
abuse?  At what point would that be and what indicators would you use to
figure out if a relationship were "over the line"? Or do you think that
a breasstfeeding relationship cannot be judged as "too long" no matter
how long it goes on?

I'd love to hear from Kathy Dettwyler on this.

Warmly-
Judy Gelman,IBCLC
Washington, DC

             ***********************************************
The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html