>I for one feel that we are often put on the defensive by 
>pseudofeminists such as Joan Wolf.  I still remember the days when 
>women had no idea what their own reproductive parts, when many women 
>didn't feel entitled to experience orgasm, and when sex was 
>something only men seemed to enjoy.  The second wave of feminism 
>(the first being when women fought for the right to vote) did change 
>that at least.  But for some reason the pseudofeminists seem to 
>think that the normal enjoyment that a woman is entitled to during 
>an intimate moment with a partner is MORE important than the 
>enjoyment of nourishing her child.  The latter has now become 
>expendible.  It is interesting that now it is assumed that in some 
>cases you have to SACRIFICE one for the other.  So, I'm thinking 
>about the woman who wrote her column about breastfeeding being 
>yucky.  One could probably Wiessingerize her whole argument and turn 
>it around. 
>
>Ditto for all the comments about how bad women are supposedly made 
>to feel for formula feeding. \

Susan, I agree breastfeeding is the 'oppressed' and 'suppressed' 
experience, not formula feeding.

I'd add that formula feeding, for all sorts of reasons, is embraced 
by our western culture.

Over decades, as you say, women have been made to feel it doesn't 
really matter much how babies are fed - it doesn't really matter to 
the baby (because health and emotional differences are, if they exist 
at all, very slight and exagerrated by 'the breastfeeding brigade') 
and it doesn't really matter to women because we have other more 
important things to do in the world (such as having a sexual life, 
earning money, or 'being independent' - ironically, none of these is 
remotely incompatible with bf, but that's not what we hear).

I think that when thousands and millions of women feel that way, our 
society changes.....and at some psychological and emotional level 
women *know* that, and they *know* they are missing out.

So one of the reasons why there is sometimes quite unpleasant hatred 
and criticism directed at bf supporters is a self-defence mechanism. 
It's 'denial'.  It's clearly out of all proportion to the rare 
judgemental comments and commentary bf supporters are accused of 
making.

I have had some discussions with women who ended up formula feeding 
and some who deliberately chose it from the start,  who told me 
'breastfeeding women make me feel guilty' - and  in reality, when 
this experience is deconstructed, it has been a mild comment or 
question, or even a 'look' which is imagined to be critical.  But 
many women  feel deep shame at formula feeding - especially if they 
are from a family or circle of friends who breastfeed. They long for 
the day when they don't have to use bottles in public because their 
baby uses a cup. They pretend to their friends they are still 
breastfeeding, sometimes, because they want to hide this shame.

I truly believe this shame comes from within them - and of course it 
is almost always a result of poor support and knowledge about 
breastfeeding, and they have nothing to blame themselves for.

They translate this sadness into anger and rage and say they are 
'bombarded' with propaganda about breastfeeding.

I truly believe these women are worthy of love and support and above 
all information about how they can use bottles in a baby-centred, 
loving, responsive and emotionally healthy way. I don;t want them to 
bottle feed with shame, or embarrassment, anymore than I want 
breastfeeding women to breastfeed with these feelings.

So it's not a question of adding up the injustices done to 
breastfeeding women and finding it 'weighs' more than anything done 
to formula feeding women - even though it certainly does.  Formula 
feeding women need understanding, too, especially because we know 
what they and their babies are missing.

Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK
-- 
http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk

http://heatherwelford.posterous.com

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